Scar #2: You Call This a Scavenger Hunt?!?!

(Please note: I can't make this short...I just can't.  There is no coarse language but it is long, apologies in advance for this.)
The other night I tried to talk briefly about the day my high school was smoke bombed.  Three years later, it was nearly replaced as the worst of my scars, as it is it's a very close second.
Before I start, take a moment to imagine what a scavenger hunt would mean for you.  For me, it might involve snapping a few photos, or buying something small, or something around those lines.  This was nothing like that.
The so-called "prank week" practice at the hands of the senior class carried all the way the years I spent in high school.  A few weeks before I was to graduate from said high school, it was taken to another level...and not in a good way.
There were plans for a scavenger hunt one night...and not of the type that I thought of above.  I heard some rumors of what it was going to entail, which today makes me guilty because I still wish I had told an authority figure about them.  But two things stopped me: A feeling that it wouldn't matter because apparently nothing had been done about the previous two dozen or so incidents that I either saw or heard about, and the numbness I felt generally from these incidents as a whole.
Most of the actual rumors escape me now, but one really stands out: There was a rumor that one of the "targets" on the list was to find a particular student  -- unnamed at that time, apparently, hogtie him or her, and then take a photo of the hogtied student.  Because I'd had nothing to do with any of the previous stunts that had been perpetrated, there were rumors that I was the hogtie target.
I can't put into words what was running through my mind when I heard about this.  The best I can relate to you would go something like this, "I'm one of the targets?!?  I'm one of the targets?!?!? How in heck am I going to hide from this?", because I was sure a few people knew where I lived.
On the night of the hunt I was paranoid.  I made sure the lights in the house were kept to a minimum to make people think I had skipped town for the night, and I ordered the porch doors double-locked.  Even then I didn't feel safe until the morning after, and just hearing of the rumor drove a still-indelible image into my brain that the world was out to get me...if there was any hope of me trusting other people face-to-face before this, it was zapped forever by the fear on this night that I could potentially be seriously hurt.
As it turned out, someone else was the hogtie target.  But it was still a black-eye night for my hometown of Melrose, MA: Lots of street and stop signs were torn down, the sign outside the public library -- which was pretty big -- was uprooted, and there were a large number of arrests later that night in the parking lot of a Chili's on Route 1.  The damage estimate I saw was $20K to the city, but that was conservative, there was reason to think it was at least double that, but the exact figure may never be known.
I was never so happy to be rid of a group of classmates in my life.  Years later, after the first time through college, when a HS alumni tried to call my house for purposes of informing me of a reunion, a sibling beat me to the phone, and realizing what they had done to me, he hung up on them.  I couldn't and still haven't forgiven them for effectively making me paranoid around other people.
I apologize for making this so long, but as I admitted at the top, this is a story I couldn't make short...ugh, I can't put into words how bad it hurts talking about these things now, knowing how long I've let them fester, knowing that I don't know how to put these things into their proper focus. :(

Replies

WyndWytch
WyndWytch

well hun I don\'t think you need to worry bout others having a clear focus on the events, but what is most important is you talk about them. We can understand as best we can and we is here to support you in it
Summerwind81
Summerwind81

Ah, damn, wish I could take that one away for you...that must have been scary...but I think you\'re on the right track wanting to put it into focus...I just wish I had some ideas on how...regardless, big hugs and wishes of peace.......