Saw the Doctor with my Mom Today
Today I got to see my mom's doctor as she was helping her with her recovery from the stroke. I feel much better. The doctor was very reassuring, even gave my mom and I a hug when we came in. The doctor made me feel good, she was very caring and was trying to give the best care for my mom. I'm glad that I got to come up here and see her, and that I went with her to the doctor. I'm going to go with her to see her other doctor on Thursday. I hope he's just as good as this one. My mom's doctor is a female, and all of my mom's in-laws go to see that doctor. So I hope that the new doctor is as good as she is.
Today I feel good... I'm glad I got to see my mom's doctor, and I slept pretty well. I got 10 hours of sleep, and for being at my mom's that's pretty good. My fingernails have been bugging me... the skin at the end of the cuticles has been drying out and peeling back, so every time I stick my hand in my pocket it peels it back a bit more. I've been trying to keep them trimmed with cuticle clippers, but they just peel so fast. I think it's because I didn't get my water in for so many days that my fingers dried out. Well, I got my water and liquid in today, that's for sure.
I also got more than my fair share of calories, but today was a splurge day and tomorrow isn't going to be one. I just wanted some Taco Bell. I've been craving it for weeks, and it was nice to get that craving satisfied. I'm way over my calories today, but with all the under I've been, I think one day over isn't going to kill me. I think it's good, just as long as I keep up with being in the correct range. I drank a ton of soda and tea, and I think that killed me too. I normally don't drink my calories, but today was a splurge day. I just hope I don't get stomach pain tomorrow or tonight because of all the food I ate. It wasn't bad food, it just wasn't all low fat food.
Back to mood. I felt good spending time with my mom. They may have to put down their dog soon, and that makes me sad. Their dog, Lola, is in pain with allergies and scratching herself raw. There was a big splatter of blood on the floor yesterday when I got in because Lola had scratched herself to the point of bleeding. I don't think they are going to put her down over it, but they have given her shots and everything else they can think of. I don't know what they are going to do. It just makes me sad to think that my mom might lose her dog on top of everything else that's been going on. The last thing my mom needs is one more thing to make her depressed.
I should ask my mom how she's really doing. I know that people don't answer you how they are really doing the first time you ask, that's why I ask over and over. I know it can get annoying, but the more you ask, the closer you get to the truth. Most people just say okay or good when they are not doing that great, but don't want to get into a conversation about it. If you keep asking, they finally give in and tell you the truth. That's also why I talk about my mood over and over again in my journals, trying to get at what I really feel. I don't know what I feel on the surface, I have to pry into my own head to try and figure it out. I've spent so many years trying to hide my feelings that I don't even see my own. Other people can see it more clearly than I can, which is why I trust Geo when he says that something is off. Otherwise, I would have no idea.
I was thinking about moving my mood to great, but I'm not really great. It's hard seeing my mom not able to move as easily as before, and I saw her handwriting today and it's not like it used to be. She writes slow, and the letters are harder to read. You can still read them, my mom has always had great penmanship, but it's harder. I think that's what really makes it hit home... seeing my mom's beautiful writing gone. I don't think she will ever get it back to where it was before. I hope she does, but I don't think she will. You can call me negative for thinking that, but it's reality. If she's not recovering fast, and she can't afford physical and occupational therapy, then it's not going to get much better. She can't afford health insurance, so all of this has to be paid out of pocket. I just hope that one day she will be able to fully recover. As it is, we are having a good time together, so that's something to be thankful for. She's at least in good spirits.
Today I feel good... I'm glad I got to see my mom's doctor, and I slept pretty well. I got 10 hours of sleep, and for being at my mom's that's pretty good. My fingernails have been bugging me... the skin at the end of the cuticles has been drying out and peeling back, so every time I stick my hand in my pocket it peels it back a bit more. I've been trying to keep them trimmed with cuticle clippers, but they just peel so fast. I think it's because I didn't get my water in for so many days that my fingers dried out. Well, I got my water and liquid in today, that's for sure.
I also got more than my fair share of calories, but today was a splurge day and tomorrow isn't going to be one. I just wanted some Taco Bell. I've been craving it for weeks, and it was nice to get that craving satisfied. I'm way over my calories today, but with all the under I've been, I think one day over isn't going to kill me. I think it's good, just as long as I keep up with being in the correct range. I drank a ton of soda and tea, and I think that killed me too. I normally don't drink my calories, but today was a splurge day. I just hope I don't get stomach pain tomorrow or tonight because of all the food I ate. It wasn't bad food, it just wasn't all low fat food.
Back to mood. I felt good spending time with my mom. They may have to put down their dog soon, and that makes me sad. Their dog, Lola, is in pain with allergies and scratching herself raw. There was a big splatter of blood on the floor yesterday when I got in because Lola had scratched herself to the point of bleeding. I don't think they are going to put her down over it, but they have given her shots and everything else they can think of. I don't know what they are going to do. It just makes me sad to think that my mom might lose her dog on top of everything else that's been going on. The last thing my mom needs is one more thing to make her depressed.
I should ask my mom how she's really doing. I know that people don't answer you how they are really doing the first time you ask, that's why I ask over and over. I know it can get annoying, but the more you ask, the closer you get to the truth. Most people just say okay or good when they are not doing that great, but don't want to get into a conversation about it. If you keep asking, they finally give in and tell you the truth. That's also why I talk about my mood over and over again in my journals, trying to get at what I really feel. I don't know what I feel on the surface, I have to pry into my own head to try and figure it out. I've spent so many years trying to hide my feelings that I don't even see my own. Other people can see it more clearly than I can, which is why I trust Geo when he says that something is off. Otherwise, I would have no idea.
I was thinking about moving my mood to great, but I'm not really great. It's hard seeing my mom not able to move as easily as before, and I saw her handwriting today and it's not like it used to be. She writes slow, and the letters are harder to read. You can still read them, my mom has always had great penmanship, but it's harder. I think that's what really makes it hit home... seeing my mom's beautiful writing gone. I don't think she will ever get it back to where it was before. I hope she does, but I don't think she will. You can call me negative for thinking that, but it's reality. If she's not recovering fast, and she can't afford physical and occupational therapy, then it's not going to get much better. She can't afford health insurance, so all of this has to be paid out of pocket. I just hope that one day she will be able to fully recover. As it is, we are having a good time together, so that's something to be thankful for. She's at least in good spirits.
Replies
i know its hard to see our parents get older and see when their health fails.. but its sounds like your mom is making a good recovery from her stroke.. thank god.. and i am sure she is happy that you are there for her.. i think one or two days off your diet bwont kill you .you are away visiting and its hard to stay on track. just do the best you can do.. hugs ,.marie
i am so happy you got to see your mom and her doctor and put most of yours fears and worries aside. it is so hard to see loved ones, esp. parents be sick and getting older. i know that i will have a very hard time as my dad is 87 and my mother is 84 and they are in good health, my dad so active, it will be a shock. being home, you were told that your mom was getting better etc.. but until you saw for yourself, it is hard to believe. i realize and understand about changes that likely wont improve, such as handwriting, but you will adjust to that, i hope, and be happy she has recovered and can speak, move, i know it is hard. dont sweat over taco bell, we all desrve a splurge, i think you allowed yourself this as you finally got to see mom, dont worry about your eating for now, just enjoy being with mom. hugssss