saw ex yesterday
I met with ex yesterday for dinner and movie. He said he still does not know what he wants, so will stick with being friends so that he does not hold me back. I don't know if this is a game or if he is just as confused as I am. But I agreed and will continue with what I am doing.
I also got up the nerve to finally tell him "MY" feelings about everything going on. This last months seemed mostly about him, and how he needs time, and he needs to make decisions, while I sat in limbo. I was able to tell him how I felt hurt and used, and how I always felt put on the backburner. I said this all calmly and was so easy to see he just wanted to run. Told him I was not angry, not trying to argue, I had forgiven, and much was my fault for always allowing and putting them before myself. He said "so you are saying I am a jerk" and I said I am sorry for my part in this breakup and left it at that.
Now my heart hurts again. I so want to do the no contact rule but I don't know how. Well, actually I do, but find too many excuses. Like next week with surgery, I want to know he would call or come by and check up on me. I want the no contact, but I want to know he's thinking about me at the same time? Oh, I am such a mess. LOL Each week I do just a bit better but I am making it be a slower process.
I also got up the nerve to finally tell him "MY" feelings about everything going on. This last months seemed mostly about him, and how he needs time, and he needs to make decisions, while I sat in limbo. I was able to tell him how I felt hurt and used, and how I always felt put on the backburner. I said this all calmly and was so easy to see he just wanted to run. Told him I was not angry, not trying to argue, I had forgiven, and much was my fault for always allowing and putting them before myself. He said "so you are saying I am a jerk" and I said I am sorry for my part in this breakup and left it at that.
Now my heart hurts again. I so want to do the no contact rule but I don't know how. Well, actually I do, but find too many excuses. Like next week with surgery, I want to know he would call or come by and check up on me. I want the no contact, but I want to know he's thinking about me at the same time? Oh, I am such a mess. LOL Each week I do just a bit better but I am making it be a slower process.
Replies
I\'m working on it myself. As you can see from your encounter, \"now my heart hurts again.\" That happens to me every time I have contact, so I decided to stop and I\'m holding to that so far. I hope you find the right solution for you.
Dinner and a movie is a date. With your ex. Are you interested in dating your ex? I know things are confusing right now, but if this relationship is over - or if you know in your head and/or heart that it HAS TO be over for your own sanity - then do not date your ex. Re-establish NC and stick to it the best you can.
I understand the surgery really makes things tougher. Can you \"nominate\" a friend to be your go-to person for the surgery? The person who boosts you up mentally, and is there for you when you get scared? If so, you can forget about your ex being part of that situation.
Best wishes to you.