saved by the method
I've started to sort through my things a great deal here
at the apartment. I know I won't be able to keep much of the very
little I have, when I go to move...I wish I had the time or the access
to sell stuff - but I don't. I'll donate most of it all to Goodwill.
I don't make enough even to get a tax deduction! Lol
But being at home after doing so much - for whatever reason -
made me slip into old bad habits. Habits may not be the word.
Nuff said though. I tried to go to sleep and couldn't - and then
the putting on the personal doctor's hat for 'what works'
really restored my sense of power and choice and sense of remedy.
Saved by the method! :)
Replies
totally! After I wrote this, I continued to have a hard time settling down to sleep.
This breaking down my personal possessions here at my apartment - sorting somethings to discard, somethings
to store and some things to take with me, seriously elevated my mood. It exacerbated my
objectifications (that I usually do) and so my mood was ungrounded and I couldn't suss out
a solution because I was still very much in the middle of it. I tried what works - but that didn't help tonight.
I thought about the notion that
Having the responsibility to get back to work on Monday would very much be a positive and good for me
thing. The monastery will be a cerebral lifestyle on the one hand - but gratefully it will also require
responsibilities as well I am hoping to keep a part time position at a local market affiliate of my current store.
So pragmatics and survival save me from spinning uncontrollably.
I was feeling really manic and twisted this afternoon - and I decided to treat myself
to a pub meal. Which was great! I felt really happy there and kind of a sense of community - stifling my having conversation was my social
anxiety by just being confident in watching tv - eating my meal - looking at my phone - I never talk to anyone -
I'm too nervous - but it's community - they know me now -
and though there was community I was knowing I was on my own as well - I guess there's always that aspect of duality
(as my therapist talks
about - that contradictory thoughts tend to be held in our heads at the same time) with experiences..
I thought about how I live alone (but have a beautiful loving cat too) and was thinking about relationships and how we each tell each other what we mean
in the world...I was reminded of the song
from "OLIVER!" - "Where is love?" (....where I will find someone who I'll mean something to.)
So I wanted to write this down and post it and now I'll go to sleep. It's amazing how just packing
up all those things that tell you who you are - it really dehumanizes on a level but it also
focuses priorities as well - so you just kind of get a sense of your humanity in a different perspective maybe??
I have to remind myself when I get closer and eventually make this trip to talk myself down from the rafters
with the same kind of concepts.
Will you have an apartment there? I pray everything goes well for you and that you will be happy there.
Thanks Becky!
I’ll have a big room in a cottage there.
hmmmmm. . .
what is "the method?"
has the grammar in the monastic discussion change from speculative tense to present tense?
I am not so clever....just thinking of methods as a kind of objective process in the realm of handling life.
It takes me out of the subjective water that makes me feel without any power....to having power.... I know I can remember
what works...call it method...call it process... call it 'what works.'
<"}}}}}}}}><
fishy for arfie!
guess what i had for dinner. . . cod.
i'll buy that definition of, "the method." whatever works for you will only work if you work it, by whatever name for ^it^.
Thanks Arfie!! I love cod!!
A cottage sounds nice. Blue should like it.
I really hope so Becky! thanks!