Saturday July 12 9:30am -- POSSIBLY TRIGGERING

When i work, the pain subsides, but when I am off it no longer hides. Every morning I still break down in the shower exactly like I did 2 years ago and like I will do tomorrow and the next day and probably the day after that. I work all day and when I get home I don't think to text anymore so people are slowly fading away from my life but hey maybe that is a good thing, less people I can damage, I already fucked you up, so what's the point in my pathetic miserable life. In august angie and I are going to get my cat and all my stuff from Louisiana. Dylan is picking us up but idk if we will end up staying there or with Corey. I just want to not hurt anymore. I am 21 days clean. But I don't feel any different from the days I cut. Broken, alone. A fucked up mess that no one really wants around, that's is all that I am and probably all that I will ever be, but I will just have to accept that, and the fact that I am a slut. When I stay with someone I feel obligated to sleep with them to repay then for what they're doing for me but when I am in Louisiana I refuse to do that again. It's 9:30 my shift starts in a half hour and I work 10-7 I'm totally dreading it right now, I would love to crawl in my bed and die after a nice lovely cutting session. Trina's sister killed herself yesterday. Maybe I should ask Reina how she managed. Maybe then I won't fail. Ttfn