sat nov 27,2010

ok, im back again. forgot i was still on here. sis called and i went to my own little world. glad i checked. dont want to leave tis thing on ever. ok, took my xanex,s. waiting for them to kick in so i can type bettr. not so shackey. still sick. coffe maker trying to make me think its going to work. not falling for it again. voice is starting to come back. its cold out but of course im hot. opened a window, now im cold. and so it starts. its going to be a long winter w/ everyone having the heat on and me hot flashing like a mug. i feel very isolated today. moore than ussuall. im getting so used to being alone. not good. still fee so guilty about getting that pizza last night. ate it while laying on couch. the whole thing. i dont have pizza money. dont know wht we will do for rest of month. guess its ramen noodles. hello swollen everything for me. my feet are so swollen allready from all the bad food. i was doing so good too. its the holidays. this is the first yr i wont have anything for either of my boys not to mention the rest of the family. im starting to realy dislike the holidays. i havnt been this poor sence the boys were young. im realy freaking out.  i know the kids are grown, but youngest is moore like a teen even though he is in upper 20,s. ok, listening to some rush for a change. reminds me of my oldest i miss sthe days of comming home from work and hearing fly by night or spirit of the radio. its soothing to me to hear it. im verysad. feel so old. wish i could fire up the way back machine. weres mr. peabody when ya need him. oh my im old. ok, moore later getting sader. have to go now. be back later.........