sat june 25, 2011 raining AGAIN scared

well, here i am i in my third floor apt and guess what? ya you are rite its storming AGAIN. i realy cant watch anything to do with this. im so terrified of storms now. never was before. i feel like getting in the fetal position. if a tornado comes all i have s a closet. so afraid. need to go get mail but dont want to go out in hallway and realy dont want to know what is in there. so fritened. ok, maybe first  one is passing. time for round two. counseler told me not to watch very much news because it upsets me so much. i will go to the vcr, yes i still use them. i have enough to keep me busy for a long time. i just wish it would cut it out allready. supposed to go to b.f tommorow. hope it stops long enough for me to get out there. im sooo hot these hot flashes. cut up watermelon and strowberries to go w/ my rice and brocoli. i will be able to fly around the room b4 its over. just found out my aunt is going to be out of town for a while. i dont like that. i feel like the world s spinning again. took my meds and its a little better but still very nervoiuss. i took the kava kava and pashion flower also and my allergy pill. i take soooo much meds it rediculis. i would love to wein myself off some of this  crap, but not now. cant get my social worker to call me. i dont think she takes her job seriosely. its just a day job for her. i miss my old one, she could realy motivate me and get things done. i have to sometimes be talkeed to sturnly so i can motivate, but it was good for me.  feel like a non person alot lately. m backsliding BAD. ok, going to get off here for the night i think. so hot in his room, need to eat. realy dont need this  just SAD and scared. dont know why. ive been traumatised by all this biblically unbelievable weather. ok, i guess thats all for me right now.