same day great bbq sun sept 5. 2011 evening

ya know its weird that right now feeling anxiaty. boyfreind came out and he and bro in law in basememt talking. im finding it very hard to make small talk w/ anyone any moore. why should i be so anxiuos wene im w/ people who love me and i should feel nothing but at home andd relaxed. i dont get it and i dont like it need to work on my patciance realy bad cant wait to call theripist tommorow. going to try to get an appt for sometime nurse comming tommorow morning. i dont know what to think w/ the foot still being swollen and very red even w/ the lift chair. i dont know what to do wene will it stop for the love of god its tooo much just took xanex should kick in in a while. got to call all docs n pharmacies start getting stuff transferred to here. im way weeker than i thought. i get so frustraited, i cant think strait sometimes i just have bad thoughts. not of killing myself or others, i am not acting right alot. like a spoilek child who hasnt got her way. have to work on that for sure. its my frustration about the whole mess. at leaste i did exersisies this mornig. hope to do them again tnight. ok, will write moore after boyfreind leaves and we eat again. worried about my appitite. ITS BACK.  that cabt be giid ok, later.....