safer

hello to my dear friendsi just wanted to share with you that im feeling a little better. i had a chat with my rabbi, i cried and cried and told him of the horrid things that came back to me about my stepmom saying me and the kids were a drain on my dad etc, and thats one of the reasons she took him away. in the process, AT LAST, after about 6 weeks of the tears just aching to come out but being stuck, the tears just flowed and flowed. my rabbi advised me that the person who repeated this gossip to me should never have done so. and also that the danger of gossip is it changes its version with each person who repeats it. nevertheless, he says i should not give anyone the power to make me feel like this. he said i should call my father. so after a few weeks of agonising, i called my dad last night. and im so glad i did. he sounded SO please to hear my voice and suddenly i felt like he is not dead. just far away. and its true i shouldnt let the stepmom have so much power of my feelings.and it sounds like my dad is not even AWARE of these things that were said. so i guess, why let HIM suffer, he doesnt even know whats going on.  anyways, im going to call him regularly now. i dont say the pain is gone, it will always be there cos he left. but it feels easier. the other thing is that sheinie, my beloved beloved black labrador, who i have talked about before, took ill. and she had a horrible big growth on her side. if i can say this, it feels like no one ever had such a bond with their doggie. she is 9 years old, which is not old. but since jessy died she just started deteriorating. she is so close to me, so bonded.  so yesterday she was hospitalised they thought it was malignant and had to be cut out. she had the op this morning and we were SO SO worried about her condition and the anesthetic. well, they called after to say she made it. you have NO IDEA HOW EXCITED AND RELIEVED I WAS!!!   my sheinie made itwe fetched her this evening. she is home now. the whole side of her body is shaven, lot of stitches, she is very sore and tender. but she's home!! and im so happy! and lastly for now, is that as ive been feeling so lousy and mis and tired and i dont know what else, i decided to take myself off to the GP today. she found i have throat chest and ear infection, and swollen glands. i feel relieved that there's been a reason for at least SOME of my feeling bad. im on an anti biotic now. i feel hopeful now that the SHOCKING HORRIFIC feelings ive been going through were partly that i was sick, and that theres therefore hope that soon i will feel a little better. so its weekend now, hubby and kids are home, SHEINIE is home and okay, im on an anti biotic. i feel safer.  maybe jessy is with me. love you all, alwayslove jan