SADDNESS OF THE HEART
SADDNESS FEELS MY HEART, MY MIND, MY BEING....IT NEVER GOES AWAY....IT HAS BEEN SAID OVER AND OVER, IT GETS EASIER, OR YOU LEARN TO LIVE A NEW WAY....I CANNOT FIND THIS TO BE TRUE.....I HAVE FOUND I AM AS SAD AS I WAS THE DAY KEN LEFT.....THERE ARE SO MANY GOES THROUGH A LOSS AS WE HAVE...AND THERE IS SADDNESS ALL AROUND. I MISS KEN SO MUCH....THE PAIN CUTS MY HEART APART.....I FIND BEAUTY IN THIS WORLD BUT JUST A BIG PIECE OF THAT BEAUTY IS MISSING AND THAT IS SEEING, TALKING, HEARING MY SON SHARE....I HAVE A HARD TIME UNDERSTANDING CHILDREN REJECTING THEIR PARENTS. IT'S GOING ON 3 YEARS SINCE MY HUSBANDS DAUGHTER HAS CONTACTED HIM OR TAKEN HIS CALLS. FOR WHAT? NO REASON...IT STARTED WITH HER WRITTING ME TELLING ME HOW MUCH SHE HATED ME...I WAS NO LONGER TO COME TO VISIT WHEN HER DAD CAME...THEN SHE WAS SURPRISED THAT AFTER TWENTY YEARS OF MARRIAGE HE CHOSE THAT IF I WAS NOT WELCOME, HE WOULD NOT GO...SHE NEVER DREAMED THAT HE WOULD CALL HER BLUFF. I NEVER THOUGHT SO EITHER. AS BAD AND HURTFUL AS IT IS TO HIM AND I KNOW IT HURTS BAD, OUR MARRIAGE HAS BECOME BETTER...I DID NOT CARE IF HE VISITED WITHOUT ME BUT HE DOES NOT LIKE GOING ALONE AND IT IS ALMOST 10 hours ONE WAY...HER BIRTHDAY IS WEDNESDAY...HE THOUGHT IT WAS TODAY..SAYS HE IS NOT CALLING OR SENDING A CARD...BUT HE MAY STILL...I TOLD HIM I AM NOT SURE EVEN IF MY KIDS WERE MAD, I WOULDN'T NOT SEND A CARD....ITS HIS CHOICE....WE WERE TALKING ABOUT IT WHILE WE WERE IN THE POOL..I SAID WELL MAYBE NOW THEY ARE RICH, WE ARE OUT OF THEIR LEAGUE. ITS SO SAD TO LOSE A CHILD TO DEATH....BUT TO HAVE YOUR CHILD REJECT YOU WHILE LIFE IS STILL THERE IS DEVASTING TO SAY THE LEAST....KEN GOT MAD AT ME FOR THREE MONTHS...IT WAS HORRIBLE...LUCKILY THINGS WERE WORKED OUT. ...BUT TO THINK IT WASN't. TO BE SO COLD IS BEYOND MY UNDERSTANDING...I KNOW THERE ARE A LOT OF PARENTS THAT EXPERIENCE THIS TYPE OF PAIN TOO. ITS JUST SAD...THERE SO MUCH IN THIS LIFE TO BE SAD ABOUT...I LIKE YOU WISH I HAD NEVER FELT THIS SADDNESS....THE NIGHT KEN DIED....AS I LOOKED THROUGH TEARS STREAMING DOWN MY FACE, I REALIZED THAT OUR BODIES ARE ONLY SHELLS. SHELLS THAT ON THE INSIDE MAKE US WHO WE ARE. INSIDE OUR SHELLS IS OUR SOULS AND SPIRIT...WE HAVE THE ABILITY TO FEEL, TO LOVE, TO LEARS, TO SHARE, TO DO EVERYTHING THAT MAKES US WHO WE ARE TODAY,TOMORROW.....
ON AUGUST 21,1964, I BROUGHT INTO THIS WORLD A SWEET BOUNCING BOY....ALWAYS SMILING...ALWAYS LOVING HIS MOMMA. WHAT DO YOU DO WITH THAT PART OF YOU THAT WENT AWAY?
Replies
I am sorry that you feel so very sad, my friend. Yes, children are supposed be our love and joy, because they are a part of us. Our precious angels, who left this life, never stopped
Loving us. But the ones who are alive and decided to reject their parents, are cruel beyond words!!
I agree with you, there is so much sadness in this life!! That is why I only live one day at a time. My friend, please take good care of yourself, and remember to spoil yourself also!?
Gentle hugs!! xxx
Hugs of care...
I do not understand the children of today either... My son and I have a fragile relationship and I sort of walk on eggshells... If he wounds me too badly I have to tell him I am not okay with it, but the fact is he does better without me than I do without him so mostly I keep my mouth shut. It is painful. My heart aches for your family. I wish I had some answers but I simply don't. I do hope you will find comfort knowing you are heard. Hugs Elissa
There is a lot of pain in this world, but there is love as well. It's a rollercoaster we have to take one day at a time. I think a lot of us get lost in the darkness and think we will never find our way out again, even though we have done it many times before. When we are down it is easily to believe we will never be happy again, then when the easier times come back around, we wait for the next shoe to drop. I want to say, about relationships, it's not just the children that can cause you grief. My mother and I, while closer now than we were for years before Cassi passed, we still have our problems, so it goes both ways. I hope the sun comes back out for you again soon!!! Much Love, Gina