sad today

I haven't written a journal in a while but today I feel like I need to.  I was going to post this in a miscarriage group, but not sure where this issue fits.  I have had recurrent pregnancy loss, but I now also have a son. So I will just journal about it. I am SO happy being a mom--it is awesome to care for my child and watch him change everyday.  But lately I have been really sad about my miscarriages before Jack.  I had consecutive losses and became pregnant each time immediatly so maybe I didn't have the chance to fully recognize what happened.  But now that my son is here, I am SO sad about those other little lives that never came to be.  Tears stream down my face now just thinking about it. My DH says that he views it as each pregnancy as being our son Jack and in a way I can see what he means--especially as they were literally weeks apart.  But another part realizes this is not the case and I am so sad.  I think it took me actually becoming a mom to realize how special and what a gift it is to have a baby.  To accept that little pink line meant a LIFE was growing inside me--how amazing is that? My stepson said to me the other day that he was glad I had the miscarriages because he loves his brother so much and knows that Jack is perfect in our family and wouldn't want anyone else.  I thought this was a really profound thought for a 10 year old--and I agreed with him. But it still hurts sometimes--like today for some reason.I will pray on it--that helps.  I think probably the best way to get through is to try my best to appreciate each day with Jack--he is growing so fast!!



I hope you find the peace you need. It helps me to think of my baby waiting in Heaven, being held safely in God\'s hands. I feel as though God gave me the baby we lost so I would turn to Him and draw closer to Him and my baby did that big job in the 10w5d he was alive in my body. I am expecting in 12wks and think about my angel baby often, I would have liked to get to know that baby, but I have a friend who never thinks about her loss because she felt as though her son was returned to her- 12yrs ago she conceived on her due date.
I am sorry you are feeling sad, but never forget that your babies are in your heart and with you always.