SAD AND DISCOURAGED

FUNNY HOW I CANT SLEEP BUT I NEVER WANT TO GET OUT OF BED...I WOULD LOVE TO JUST LOCK MYSELF IN AND NEVER COME OUT UNTIL SOMEONE PROMISES ME A BETTER LIFE..I KNOW I AM FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF BUT WHO CARES..I FEEL LIKE EVERYTIME I TRY TO PICK MYSELF BACK UP SOMEONE JUST KNOCKS ME DOWN TWICE AS FAR.I HAVE BEEN ACTIVELY TRYING FOR SSD.I HAVE BEEN GOING TO THE SAME SET OF DOCTORS FOR ALMOST FOUR YEARS NOW SINCE MY CAR ACCIDENT.I STILL SUFFER WITH SAME PAIN,BACK,HIPS AND LEGS AND MORE RECENTLY DIAGNOSED WITH SEVERE DEPPRESSION,INSOMNIA,ANXIETEY AND PTSD.WELL, THE ASSHOLE DOCTOR I HAVE SAID HE ISNT FILLING OUT ANYMORE PAPERWORK FOR ME AND HE ISNT DEEMING ME DISABLED.HE NOW SAYS THE PAIN IS ALL IN MY HEAD.JUST TWO MONTHS AGO HE FILLED OUT A PAPER FOR THE LAWYERS ADMITTING I COULD ONLY STAND OR SIT FOR HALF HOUR INTRAVALS AND THE PAIN KEEPS ME FROM WORKING.NOW I HAVE A WHOLE PACKET FROM MY LAWYER AND MY DOCTORS SAYS I AM ON MY OWN... I WANT SO MUCH TO FORGET EVERYTHING AND GO BACK TO WORK AND ACUALLY HAVE MONEY AGAIN TO TAKE CARE OF MY FAMILY.NO MORE BEGGING FOR HELP AND NO MORE STUPID DOCTORS BUT I HAVE TRIED SEVERAL DIFFERENT JOBS SINCE MY ACCIDENT ONLY TO BE IN SO MUCH PAIN I CANNOT FUNCTION....I AM SO STRESSED I JUST CANT STOP CRYING,I FEEL LIKE I AM READY FOR A NERVOUS BREAK DOWN.I HAVE TRIED LOOKING FOR NEW DOCTORS BUT ALL THE ONES THAT ARE HIGHLY RECCOMENDED ARE NOT TAKEING NEW PATIENTS.BESIDES ALL MY SCHEDULED APPTS WITH DOCTORS WHO ARE RUDE AND NO LONGER LISTEN ,MY TWELVE YEAR OLD DAUGHTER HAS SEVERAL DOC APPTS. GETTING HER READY FOR CLEFT LIP SURGERY ON JULY 20TH.THREE OF THE APPTS AND ACUAL SURGERY ARE OUT OF TOWN.IN WHICH I WILL BE DRIVEING AN UNREALIABLE JUNK OF A VEHICLE WITH NOT A PENNY IN MY POCKET...I AM REALLY FALLING APART HERE AND HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO ONE TO CONFIDE IN.....I USED TO BE ABLE TO HANDLE THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD BUT NOT ANYMORE,HELL I CANT EVEN HANDLE TODAY..