gym time
it seems to me I gravitate towards understanding my life before I can move forward with it. Perhaps I will be liberal and fair to myself and say that it is ok to vent and try to come
to an understanding. But to have that idea, that I must first understand so much in order to move on,
may be holding me back. "There's no nirvana" my Dad has said so many times to me... and yet it seems
that yearning and direction is what I move towards in my life. Hoping that there is some better place,
some ideal profession that will make my life less painful, more happy and more fruitful.
I guess we can just try different things and hope for the best - some things will be happy in different ways
and some things will be happy in more ways than others. Each will pose it sets of challenges and some after
time will become more familiar and less chaotic and more comfortable. Since living on my own I have been
quite habituated to my own routine and have created a routine for my life to keep things predictable and to have
myself fortifide and rested so that I have peace and energy to carry out my work and life. I think in a sense
I have been trying to 'create that nirvana' for myself by doing this. And also managing my health issues.
I have heard this called this kind of thing a "Playpen"
to live in. I have noticed this in other people - I just never saw it so candidly in myself. Some people have their life
and are very protective of it - rightly so -
I think though the playpen I have made for myself might have been good for a little while - but now I think it is proving
to disable me even further. I need to adjust it - I need challenge in my life..to keep me still able to do some things. I have been really slovenly lately at home and unmotivated to keep my house tidy and to look up things to do around town. Spiritually tired too.
Though I did go to a drawing class Saturday which was 'a forced' action - but it was good I did it. My parents invited me to their place
today to get out of the house - and it was great. I feel grateful they cared so much - and going there and being around them and others was really good.
I also started going to the gym a few days back. I will continue with that. If to lose a few pounds or better yet - to keep sharp. I need to keep in good strength to fight forward.
Replies
Way to go buddy. Your probably a bit like me. I tend to be very analytical about life, people and myself.
I'll think about things quite a bit before I put things in motion.
At the same time, I'm not like you when it comes to enjoyment. I'm very much a spur of the moment type. I hate to make plans to far ahead, like vacations etc. By the time it comes up, I'm bored with that idea and move on to something else.
I'm pretty artistic. And they say artistic people get bored with things easily.
So, that's me when I'm looking for fun and enjoyment.
But I think change is good for most people. And if your planning on making changes, good for you. Still, once you've made those changes, I think you still need a good deal of uniformity in your life. A routine for many people is necessary. Yet, routine can become very boring. And at times, you can isolate yourself.
Make some changes, but nothing to major or to fast.
The further I get in losing the control issues which live beneath my drive to understand, the more I believe that the need to understand really does hold me back. I now believe the Powers That Be are far more creative than I am with resources I don't even know exist. Resources which are available to me, if I am listening. Further, there are things I really can't understand until I take the leap of faith to give a completely new-to-me possibility a whirl.
thanks guys! Very much appreciated!