ROUGH, ROUGH, WEEK!!!
Sun. night, June 7: It has been a really hard week! Last Sunday, a co-worker/friend, killed himself. He hung himself. I struggle with the image. He was only thirty-five. I visited with him every day. He was the coach of our school football team. It was so hard to tell the kids on Monday. His death opened up a whole can of anxiety, for me. I think a lot of it has to do with Scott's angel date being so near, too. (June 17) I have just felt sick to my stomach, sad, anxious, and all that "stuff". I "feel" what his family is going through. He was from St. Louis. A memorial service was held for him, here, on Saturday. He will be buried in St. Louis on Monday. I could not go to the memorial. It was just more than I can handle right now. I did send a sympathy card, in care of the funeral home, to his family. That is all I have to give, at this time. It is just way too much!!! Thank Goodness our school year ended on June 3rd. I need the break! I do not have to go back, for anything, until August 17th. YEA! I intend, if the weather ever co-operates, to float in the pool, work in my, yet-to-be, planted garden, and do some cleaning. Nothing too exciting. That suits me just fine. Craig is now off three days a week. I am glad for him. For me, not so much. I was really looking forward to having the entire work week to myself. On the up-side, maybe we can use our camper more. We haven't used it very much the past few years. There are many beautiful, peaceful, places, that are not too far from me. It won't cost much to go. Good thing, because I got my finances all mixed up, somehow. I am going to have to sit down and really go over things. ICK! Oh! I just re-read the above paragraph! It is not that I don't want Craig to be around. I do. Sort of. I think. Really... We have just been having a difficult time getting along these days. I just want time to sort through my feelings and thoughts. With work it seems everything gets shoved to the back burner. But, I will have four days a week for sorting/thinking. Not so bad.... To anyone reading my journals, I want you to know, I read yours, too. I just don't always comment. However, you are always in my thoughts. I so appreciate each and every one of you. It is just shy of two years since I last saw my Scott. If it wasn't for the strength, support, and wisdom of each and every one of you, I am not sure I would've made it. At the very least, I know I would not still be typing. Thank you. Peaceful Wishes!
Replies
I am pleased you didn\'t go to the memorial when you knew it would be too much for you. So often we feel obliged to do these things and they just drain us further. Yay, holidays! You are off for a long time. Ross left on Saturday and is back August 12th. We have two weeks holiday in July, this time next year I hope to be coming to visit you! Charlotte. xox
It is so tragic...and another mom joins us...whatever the age of the \"child\" it is another mom hurting like we hurt. I think that is wise to know your boundaries about what you can handle and what you can\'t...so good for you. I understand about needing time to compile your thoughts,regroup,sort out the feelings...I think we each need to do this periodically. I hope that very soon you will be floating in the pool and resting some...enjoy your summer off. Love to you...Karen
So sorry to hear about your friend. Yes as Karen Said another Mother joins us. I am just so tired of seeing this almost every night on the news another mother joins our group. I really wish it didn\' have to happen.
Hope that you get some quiet time to think about things. I also am going through this . I just have to pray every day that I make the right decision for me. My Bobby\'s angel date is June 16th. I will be thanking of you next week and saying a pray for your strength....Love & hugs my friend, Connie
Tell Romana I said hello
I\'m so sorry about your co-worker. I always think of the pain someone must be in to end their life. I think sending a card was very thoughtful. Hearing about others is just too much sometimes. I hope you can enjoy your summer and get some much needed down time. Take care. Love to you. Robin
I am so sorry about the death of your friend. Before my son died, I would hear news and say \"Oh that is so sad\". And that was the end of it. Now, when I hear of things like this and the French airline crash and all the bad news, I truly feel a sadness as my heart breaks for the moms who join our journey. Enjoy your summer off. Hugs, Belinda
I know how you feel about the news you had to face of another death. It always spirals us back to our own loss, doesn\'t it?? I understand you could not go, but sent a card. we did the same for my husband\'s coworker\'s son (suicide) We did write a note and offer to get together over coffee anytime they would like to talk to someone who has \"been there\" I sooo understand what you said about Craig, sometimes you need the solitude to work things out in your own time and your own mind. I will be praying for your strength as you face another \"angel date\"--so very difficult! My Jamie\'s 2nd is next month. Many of us lost so much, so close together! God Bless you! Love, Judy
I am just glad that you are doing as well as you are. I am always so happy when I read that one of my friends here on Ds is doing better. It is always probably going to be hard for us when someone we knoe commots suicide, or has an overdose or anything sat all similaur to what our loss was. It just brings back thoughts and memries, that we really don\'t want to be remended of. You will be fine, I believe sending a sympathy card is just the perfect thing for you to do. It is personal. won\'t cost you a ridiculous price, and it means something to the family. I still get out the ones from both of my sons deaths and read them all. I also have to look in the vivitation book, brcause I have blank spots here and there in my memory. I do not remember seeing some people who were there at their services that were there. I just was so upset, I don\'t remember everything. My counseler says this is normal.) I am not sure if I could got to a funeral or memorial service right noe either. I hope I do not have to face deciding. I think you did perfect.Love Peggy