Rough day
(This is very long so no one has to read all of it I just need to vent)
Today started out meh I felt really weird when I woke up but I just went on with my day. Things really went downhill like an hour or two after my sister left. I have to watch her dog when she leaves so it was time for him to go out. Lately my mom has been helping me take him out because there are a lot of wasps that live outside the down stairs door.
I tried to get my mom multiple times but I'm assuming she was straight up ignoring me. She did that the other day and when I asked her about it she didn't really say anything just walked away. My sister has been saying she is also getting ignored by mom and she thinks it's because of jake.
So anyway, I had to figure out how to take max Out. I went and got the long lead thing and attached it to the side of the porch and was just gonna open the door really quick, grab it and put him on then run upstairs and go out to watch him. Well since the door would not close in time I grabbed the lead and struggled with the door for too long and he slipped out.
I immediatly started bawling like I was so freaking upset and frustrated. I tried so much to get my mom and I already felt bad for trying because I felt like I was probably annoying her. I went upstairs crying and went out the door he was just running around the yard all crazy.
My mom only came outside when I was literally sobbing outside her door saying "why can't you just help me I need help". I originally thought she was sleeping but when I saw her it was obvious she wasn't. She has a sleepy voice and a sleepy face (she is narcoleptic so it's easy to tell when she is tired) literally looked like she was just sitting in there watching tv or something.
So she caught him and brought him in for me. I am bad at asking for help I don't like to admit I need it. So even asking for her to help with that was hard enough. I already was stressed because my dog loses his mind when I take max Out so I had him screaming in my ear, max trying to get out the door and my very huge fear of wasps kicking in because they like to fly right outside the door.
After that was taken care of I ended up just sleeping. I thought my sister was gonna bring home pizza and I would be able to talk to her about it but she didn't bring any and she was kind of snappy with me when I tried to talk to her so I felt really horrible. Then once I finally got up again I took lake out and there was a wasp flying around the porch. I called my mom to come outside and she just told me to wait for it to leave. Which is rational I mean wasps can be very aggressive so I see why she didn't want to kill it.
But I just felt even more defeated and started crying again just walked around the yard with lake. When I finally got inside I was so upset I put off eating even longer. Tried to make some food before I went out but I was so upset I just turned the over off and put the stuff back in the freezer.
Eventually I came back upstairs and asked to get pizza. Thankfully my mom said yes and we got dominos. Its my favorite pizza so i was really happy about that. Played some Minecraft with my sister and cousin til it came. I ate like 5 pieces I was so hungry I barely ate anything all day. So yeah there is the good bit. The rest sucked though. My cousins just left an hour or so ago. Gonna try to make tomorrow a better day hopefully.
Replies
Also forgot to mention the door is broken and that's why it wouldn't close. It's a very heavy sliding glass door and it's also pretty old.
For my parenting nickel, the hardest part of parenting is keeping my distance when nothing I can do is likely to help. There are things in life that we need to do for ourselves. Overcoming psycho snot knots like agoraphobia are pretty high on that list. I've been on both sides of those psycho struggles and I do believe trying to be supportive of my adult children while they struggle without increasing their dependency is harder than struggling with my own psychoses(pl).
Pizza and Minecraft sounds like a most excellent bounceback. Success is the art of getting up once more than you have fallen. Just once. Way to get back up! ***clink*** Here's to making today a better day.
That is true arfie. With my fear of leaving I don't think my mom can help much other that just being supportive. There isn't much she can do for any of my fears really. I just wish she would've helped me with max because she always says she will and he is pretty hard to handle. (he is huge and is not good on a leash)
But yeah it reslly was a nice way to just feel better after all of that happened I was so happy we finally got some good pizza. It feels like it's been forever. Plus I always love sharing food with people I don't know why it just makes me so happy. Like we can all agree that the food is good and we are enjoying our time together.