romancing

It's a lovely Saturday afternoon. My schedule has changed and so now I have a full normal weekend.

It's pretty nice :). I got up this morning, showered, dressed and went over to the Starbucks. Put on a load of laundry,

took out the recycling and the trash, did the dishes and then put on a second load of laundry. Folded and fluffed.

Made the bed. Had some breakfast and then I took a walk... and along the way I had a total guilty junkfood indulgence - I bought 

a Shamrock shake HAHAHA. It was like drinking a mouthwash flavored milkshake! Kind of gross but what the heck.

I then came home and went to get my haircut at 1130. My hairdresser is so nice (or barber). He's a young guy from Israel - super smart, kind and great taste - his shop is very well decorated and a great environment. I am a client for life! :)

Anyways came back to my place and then had lunch - cleaned up the place a little bit but found myself lingering

over the silence - every once in a while, all morning, "the silence" made me pause...what am I doing would echo a bit..??

I have found I have gotten ok with the silence now...and every once in a while it comes to me..."the silence" and the existential "what am I doing?" - 

I've been taking care of my life... my responsibilities - paying bills, sending other mail. And I thought about what Arfie once said is that "she romances her journals."(in so many words.)

As I was coming out of my hairdressers appointment - I had a nice time with Yair (his name) and it just dawned on me or came to me.. every day life is not so poetic...my everyday life...silent, and mostly alone and today I am not upset by the banality of my life but I wonder about how it is for others...? Those who passionately live in the limelight... My life isn't poetic but in the silence today after doing a lot of little things to keep on top of stuff....I find myself wanting more? The unknown is ok...I just didn't know where to go next...full of wonder kind of.. I hesitated to come here and write - it felt out of bounds - but then I thought of Arfie - and her romancing - and indeed

I find some romancing in recounting my day - it's not over yet!!! but I was thinking about going out to get some beer - and I have really thought how I have purposefully not bought alcohol in a couple months now - and it's helped me trim down and be healthy - but it seemed like a way to make the day and little carefree? A little devil may care??. I think I might just go for a walk. Get some sunshine - and come back home.

I'd like to romance my day a bit - feel a little passion, a little willing suspension of disbelief... I don't know why

whenever I go for things that are outside of doing my duty it makes me feel a little darkness about things - I suppose

it's just about a minor pivot to move along and fall in love with life a skosh.