Romance Is Dead
We were watching Family Channel last night, we watch it alot lol, I think it comes from the days of raising a 13 year old girl. We just got so used to the programming that we watch it with Marlow now, and even on our own at times. Well anyways, there was a break, and they boast 'commercial free' so they fill the gaps with music videos of preteen singers.
First there was a Justin Beiber song, then a Selena Gomez song. I was thinking about it and I told Joey I thought that a big difference between men and women was that women were capable of the sappy, fuzzy lyrics they sing but no man over the age of 18 feels the crap they croon for real. I mean, a girl does tend to get moony eyed and goopy over a guy, but past the first three months, a man doesn't really give two hoots as long as his food is hot and his urges are met.
And Joey actually agreed with me! He said that men don't feel like they say they do in the songs. They don't feel like they would die if their partner left them, they don't lose sleep if they are alone, they don't feel better when a girl is around.
It makes me wonder how he feels about me?
Our relationship has been rocky at best for the past two years. And our five year anniversary is on Feb.7th. When I told him to make sure he doesn't work his evening job that day he said 'why, it's just another stupid anniversary, not like it's important'. It's like I'm just furniture to him. Someone who cooks his food, cleans his house, washes his clothes. And one who whines too much and should shut up but as long as it does it's function then it can be kept around.
Why haven't I left? I don't really have a good reason, just alot of flimsy excuses lined right up one after another so that they feel like they are insurmountable.
I just wonder if there really is love like they sing about out there? Is there really a guy who will open a door for me instead of me waiting to open it for them? Is there a guy who will help me when I ask? A guy who won't whine that I've put on weight, that my hair is messy , that my food sucks, that their favorite shirt hasn't been washed yet? Is there a guy who will rub my back without expecting mind blowing sex after? Is there a man who will bring me flowers without having screwed up first? A man who will hold my hand in public? Who won't comment on every pretty girl he sees, on TV or in real life? A man who will let me go out with the girls and not make me pay for it later?
Is it real? Or would I be throwing away an established relationship, with no suprises and alot of supressed anger, for something that doesn't exist except in movies and lyrics? I wish I knew, because if I ever take the plunge, I'll be leaving alot behind.....and walking into alot of unknown. And possibly end up in another boring angry relationship because that's all that's out there.
First there was a Justin Beiber song, then a Selena Gomez song. I was thinking about it and I told Joey I thought that a big difference between men and women was that women were capable of the sappy, fuzzy lyrics they sing but no man over the age of 18 feels the crap they croon for real. I mean, a girl does tend to get moony eyed and goopy over a guy, but past the first three months, a man doesn't really give two hoots as long as his food is hot and his urges are met.
And Joey actually agreed with me! He said that men don't feel like they say they do in the songs. They don't feel like they would die if their partner left them, they don't lose sleep if they are alone, they don't feel better when a girl is around.
It makes me wonder how he feels about me?
Our relationship has been rocky at best for the past two years. And our five year anniversary is on Feb.7th. When I told him to make sure he doesn't work his evening job that day he said 'why, it's just another stupid anniversary, not like it's important'. It's like I'm just furniture to him. Someone who cooks his food, cleans his house, washes his clothes. And one who whines too much and should shut up but as long as it does it's function then it can be kept around.
Why haven't I left? I don't really have a good reason, just alot of flimsy excuses lined right up one after another so that they feel like they are insurmountable.
I just wonder if there really is love like they sing about out there? Is there really a guy who will open a door for me instead of me waiting to open it for them? Is there a guy who will help me when I ask? A guy who won't whine that I've put on weight, that my hair is messy , that my food sucks, that their favorite shirt hasn't been washed yet? Is there a guy who will rub my back without expecting mind blowing sex after? Is there a man who will bring me flowers without having screwed up first? A man who will hold my hand in public? Who won't comment on every pretty girl he sees, on TV or in real life? A man who will let me go out with the girls and not make me pay for it later?
Is it real? Or would I be throwing away an established relationship, with no suprises and alot of supressed anger, for something that doesn't exist except in movies and lyrics? I wish I knew, because if I ever take the plunge, I'll be leaving alot behind.....and walking into alot of unknown. And possibly end up in another boring angry relationship because that's all that's out there.
Replies
Im so sorry that you are going through this. I want you to know that I think Joey is wrong. I actually know he is. My husband feels all of the things for me that Joey says men dont. Of course, after 14 years some of the romance has dwindled...but the love hasnt. You deserve to be treated better....whether its in this relationship or not, you deserve better. Im not trying to throw my relationship in your face...its just to let you know that what you are describing (minus the back rub w/o sex and the flowers for no reason...lol) does exist. I hope that you 2 can and WILL work things out. I hope that you can take the time to work it out...I hope that you both are able to find again what brought you together. Thinking of you !!!!
I also want to add that having a baby changes your relationship in SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many ways. I dont know a single couple whose relationship hasnt been affected by the changes a baby brings. It will never be how it was when it was just the 2 of you and having a baby only makes time for just the 2 of you MUCH harder. Try and find time for just you guys. I know you want it...planning the anniversary dinner...hopefully he will make the time as well.
So sorry....I think its sort of real. My hubby has his moments..and he can be quite the jerk BUT...every holiday he shows me in some way that he loves me..he has written sweet notes in cards or looked at me like he loves me more than life itself...kids have changed us but I almost think he loves me more because I\'m the mother..and I take good care of our daughter....but I cry when I hear songs like that..and see it in movies...but I don\'t think I want Dennis to be like that..maybe once in a blue moon but daily...no thanks. I want the real marriage....
U need to look at Ur relationship and list the pros and con\'s....I bitch a lot but I have way more pro\'s than con\'s...either way U have support here:)
I feel really bad for you. Reading this is just so horrible. I can\'t believe that someone would actually think that their anniversary isn\'t important.
I hope you guys can work things out but it\'s really hard when someone acts as though they want out. It takes two people making a choice to make a marriage work.
I hope things get better. Keep us updated.