Rollercoaster ride
I seem to have hit a wall with this grief, and am going downhill. Friends have been reaching out this week and I have put them off. Yesterday I spent the day watching tv all day except for some weeding in the morning. I think i have expected too much from myself, and am finding the whole thing just so hard. My daughter phoned last night and i couldn't pretend i was okay, which i do because i do not want to load my grief on my children. I am glad to be getting away this weekend. Maybe that will give me some peace. I had a conversation with one of Larry's best friends this week and i think that made things worse. I seem to sop up others grief and make it mine. Others talk about signs from departed loved ones, and i really wish i could feel that, but all i feel is that he is really gone.
Replies
Ah, the rollercoaster . . isn\'t it grand? NOT.
It\'s okay to take a breather and watch mindless tv ..or turn the phone off and not answer. I think this will be my day, today. I don\'t always allow this sort of self pleasure (escapism), but some days it is quite necessary to help regroup our scattered energies . . or just simply not participate in life. I\'m not taking my mother\'s phone calls at present, because I know I can\'t pretend and don\'t want to burden her further, so I get your not wanting to burden your children with grief. It\'s so hard to keep \"pretending\", thus a need for a break. All good. Yes, he is really gone . . and it\'s okay to accept that fact . . no more denial. It hurts like hell . but this is realistic thinking. Equates to you being on the path of healing and acceptance. As for signs, be patient, you will experience them when you are ready and open to them. Sending you lots of love and healing thoughts . . xo, D
so glad you have a weekend planned where you can get away.....thinking of you and take care of you.....
Hugs
Yes, I know the feeling to well. Just let yourself slack off right now, you need it. As for signs, I anxiously waited and hoped. But in the end, all I felt was that he was gone, gone forever. What happened though was that as time progressed, I could appreciate and enjoy the memories of our life together. That took a lot of time though. Sigh... I\'m sorry.
Hugs,
Val
Yes, I get it too. I stayed in bed today. I was sick with a cold but maybe could have got up and gone to work. Wishing you a good weekend. Sandy
I know it feels like he is gone, yet that fact is unbelievable at the same time. It leaves us feeling lost and full of pain. The first year is one of struggles every day and at times getting through the moment is difficult. The platitude of a day at a time and moment by moment has a basis in truth. Hug to you. Sharon
Patti, I know what you feel as I feel the up down all the time. I felt peaceful the day of my wife\'s ash placement, but the second day I cried for the loss. I don\'t see signs for my Yan either, and I think she is at peace. Hugs, Tiger
Every day is a new adventure. Good days and bad days and we never know what kind of day it will be until we wake up. At least that is how it is for me. I think the hardest part is realizing they really are gone. I wish I knew the secret or special word to take your pain away. But I understand how you feel. I am sorry you are having a sad time. But I am here for you. Hugs, Diane