Rollercoaster of emotions

I have been on my own for two days. No one has come by the house, and my mother is dealing in her own way, so i have been left to the whirlwind that is my brain at this point. I understand that people probably want me to have some space. To allow me to process what my stbx husband has done, but it has allowed my emotions to climb aboard the fastest and scariest rollercoaster known to man. Actually, I dont even think this ride has been invented yet. 

I have gone from being happy to being angry to wanting to cry and back to being happy, with guilt thrown in to shake it all up. I think back on the lasst 8 years, and i think of how happy we can be, and I want to stop the divorce. Then I remember the bad times, and the recent demands made and I realise that if i do take him back, or go back to him - depending on how you look at it, the bad times will continue. I will continue to be unhappy and miserable and I will end up despising him. If this state of affairs is bad, I'd hate to see how it would turn out if we got back together.

It doesnt stop the ride though. It's a neverending ride at this point.