Rock bottom

.  Guess i dont want a normal life anymore.  I keep myself beat down and struggling to pay bills much less have money to live on. I feel like this addiction keeps pulling me down i to the dark abyss. Its like a whirlpool sucking me down the drain. I feel like i will never be strong enough to beat it and have my old life back. I spent all my grandbaby Christmas money and im so mad at myself i just want to crawl under a rock. It doesnt help that my husband is a gambler too.