Rock bottom?
What is rock bottom? I was thinking about when I thought I hit it in 2002 when I was 30. I was fired from the Holiday Inn where I worked for 7 years. I was so depressed I stayed in bed for 2 weeks. I couldn't move except to eat and all I ate was cereal for 2 weeks. I was telling lie after lie to people. I had borrowed money from a friend and then borrowed money from my brother to pay off my friend. I was knee deep in credit card debt and couldn't pay rent. I let my credit cards all go to collections. Credit destroyed for the second time in my life. I was so desperate and depressed. I'm remeber somehow peeling myself off the couch on a Sunday to go buy a paper. I remeber staring at the ads for escorts thinking could I do this? I was so deep in debt and couldn't tell my parents. I was hopeless.
I remember crying and crying and praying and praying that somehow the depression would lift and get out of this mess somehow. And then the eviction notices starting coming. I was so screwed. I couldn't do it. I couldn't call the escort people and looking back no I can't believe I was even considering it. But I was so lost. So lost. Somehow I pIckes the paper back up and saw the ad for the ramada hiring a cocktail waitress. I got in the shower, fixed myself up and found my I can do anything person inside of me and went to the hotel. I was hired on the spot.
After a few weeks I was promoted to bartender and was making good money. I had 2 friends help me move my stuff out of that apartment and lied to my parents telling them my lease was up so they'd co sign for a new apartment.. I literally moved across the street and told the rental office my last apartment rented was the one before my last one and they approved my lease. I was back on my feet but the depression still loomed.
I had Brett and Tommy get most of my stuff out of my apartment but not the spare bedroom. I told them not to worry about it and I'd go back and get it. But did I? No. I was still in a depression. I was managing to work from 6 to midnight a few times a week and paying my bills and that was it. The rest of the time I stayed in bed. When I went back to get my stuff that was still in the spare bedroom the locks had been changed. I couldn't ask them to let me in because I owed them 2,000. It was all gone. My pictures, momentos and my childhood stuffed animals. To this day I still tell my mom I lost my snoopy in one of my moves. So many lies. All because of a mental illness I didn't know I had.
And now 13 years later with a stack of bills I head to the Bankruptcy lawyer to discuss things tomorrow. For the third time in my life my credit with go right into the shitter. I worked so hard to get my rating to be good and to buy my car and now I'm going to having nothing to show for it. I shouldn't let the bankruptcy define me but I can't get passed it right now. I am so mad. I should be happy inhage a roof over my head and foid on my table but damn it I worked so hard the last few years. So hard working 60 hours on my feet and now I have nothing to show for it.
I remember crying and crying and praying and praying that somehow the depression would lift and get out of this mess somehow. And then the eviction notices starting coming. I was so screwed. I couldn't do it. I couldn't call the escort people and looking back no I can't believe I was even considering it. But I was so lost. So lost. Somehow I pIckes the paper back up and saw the ad for the ramada hiring a cocktail waitress. I got in the shower, fixed myself up and found my I can do anything person inside of me and went to the hotel. I was hired on the spot.
After a few weeks I was promoted to bartender and was making good money. I had 2 friends help me move my stuff out of that apartment and lied to my parents telling them my lease was up so they'd co sign for a new apartment.. I literally moved across the street and told the rental office my last apartment rented was the one before my last one and they approved my lease. I was back on my feet but the depression still loomed.
I had Brett and Tommy get most of my stuff out of my apartment but not the spare bedroom. I told them not to worry about it and I'd go back and get it. But did I? No. I was still in a depression. I was managing to work from 6 to midnight a few times a week and paying my bills and that was it. The rest of the time I stayed in bed. When I went back to get my stuff that was still in the spare bedroom the locks had been changed. I couldn't ask them to let me in because I owed them 2,000. It was all gone. My pictures, momentos and my childhood stuffed animals. To this day I still tell my mom I lost my snoopy in one of my moves. So many lies. All because of a mental illness I didn't know I had.
And now 13 years later with a stack of bills I head to the Bankruptcy lawyer to discuss things tomorrow. For the third time in my life my credit with go right into the shitter. I worked so hard to get my rating to be good and to buy my car and now I'm going to having nothing to show for it. I shouldn't let the bankruptcy define me but I can't get passed it right now. I am so mad. I should be happy inhage a roof over my head and foid on my table but damn it I worked so hard the last few years. So hard working 60 hours on my feet and now I have nothing to show for it.
Replies
You are SO much more than your credit standing Reds.You have been through it before and know it can be done albeit with a lot of time. BIG HUGS!!
I thin bankruptcy is inherently a depressing event. At least judging by the people I know who\'ve gone through it...though like Nestor said, it does not define you. I believe this in my heart...I supported my sister through loans. Right now I\'ve a card in collections.
I\'m sorry you lost your snoopy xx