River Dreams II
"Trust" is a BIG subject, even without the debatable legal and dogmatic add-ons. Add in a psychotic childhood and. . . Keep your fucking T-word out of my face, asshole!!! I trust you to be a moronic asshole. End of subject.
Gee. . . Why did shrinks hand me off so often? ? ? Yes, Ma'am/Sir. I know you prefer other job titles. I promise to work hard at fixing my busted Give a Damn. Across decades of retrospect, I find myself more in awe of the early shrinks who had the courageous hearts to approach my feral resistance than the later shrinks who guided me through the breakthroughs. What a long, strange trip it has been.
As I painted away Hubby's absence this week, my thoughts spent more time in the River Region than here on the Southern Great Plains. Perhaps my favorite thing about painting is that it exercises the body without using up much brain activity. My thoughts and emotions are free to wander where they will. Way more than one of my paint-jobs have been coated with my river dreams. I does love my river dreams. So many rivers and so little time. . .
I still don't fully trust my commitment to this farm. It has been a farm in tax name only for more than half a century. The current owners of the investment remain big city investors who only care about its dollar value. Yea, I am married to one of those investors, but that don't mean much in my heart. I ain't gonna wrestle him or his brother's branch of the family tree for the right to develop commitments. I can easily respect their rights to continue the investment tradition started by their parents more than half a century ago. The tradition is even validated by an impressive return on the 1965 dollars spent. Who am I to criticize success? The stability of those inter-generational traditions are one of the qualities which drew/still draw me to Hubs in the first place. Roots are pretty amazing to a rootless wanderer like myself.
I commited to my river dreams far enough to buy a base camp there. It waits. It calls.
What the fuck am I doing here, re-purposing barns for absentee muckety mucks?
Hubs took the day off from work so that he could make the commute from the Urban Homestead at a more relaxed pace. He hates it when I call him an absentee muckety muck. Holding the love sacred, Babycakes. . . Wanna come rake some REAL muck with me? The compost needs turning.
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When you mention river, I thought of this album ;-) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YMSASpq-LYY&list=PLywPcBZtR_gIIoli0wdj5M59MiXwXou0n
In theme of your river, my mom found there was "something"about this song....me too...hugs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSq4B_zHqPM
I wouldn't have recognized that song as Billy Joel's. I thought he was pure bubble gum. . . Sugary sweet, and bad for the teeth. So says the woman who still holds the Andy Williams version of "Moon River" as the ultimate river song.
Painting is a good thing to do in order to get lost in your thoughts AND something good comes out of it..... Does the farm need much work sweetie? (if you don't mind my asking)
I think I would love it but who knows.... I love animals …. How's your wee bird doing???.... I would be out in the field feeding those cows corn and making friends....lol
That's my river..... I hope that your river dreams are giving you some piece of mind...… Big hug.....xo
Yes, Suncloud, the place needs ALLOT of work. Way more than this feisty old woofer can do alone, whichever way you shake it. Even *I* have limits to my independence, if you can believe it. Hubs doesn't seem able to believe it. He married She-Ra.
A real farm is more on-going work than a corporate cubby. Being out in the field feeding those cows, etc., loses its glamour quicker 'n' a Dude Ranch loses its high-stepping dudes. Livestock doesn't get the concept of days off from feeding and shit shoveling.
But this isn't a real farm. It's an asset in an accounting portfolio. The pastures are leased to a cattle man who takes care of the feeding, etc. He doesn't mind if we play with his cows. They can, indeed, be fun, especially when they start taunting Persilly.
At present, the four buildings which make up the compound just might detract from the property value. For sure, they don't increase it any. The work I've done to re-purpose the old dairy barn into a honey barn makes it the most valuable building on the site. The FIL kept the house rented out, as well, but it has been a money pit for the entire time he rented it. I believe it has graduated from a money pit to a tenant lawsuit waiting to happen. If it is decided to refurbish it for nostalgic value, the work needs to start at the foundation, hopefully before somebody puts a foot through the rotten floorboards. It was a modest farm house in 1921 when it was built. I question its nostalgic value. As a business center, it could serve indefinitely, but in its current condition, it is not overly comfortable or pragmatic for continued residential use. I.F. anyone is going to live on this property for the long term, I solidly believe a new construction is in order. Preferably before it becomes an emergency, but you know how those busy exec types are. I definitely worry that Hubby will work to put off THAT big job until the floor caves in.
Raptor died yesterday. I'm so sorry, Little Raptor. May you be happily hunting in Raptor Heaven where raptor habitat never ends.
Sorry your little visitor died. :-(
I'm so sorry that you lost him...… Big hug
Do you have stalls that you could lease out for people with horses??….. That might be a way of helping with costs.... I've seen that people do that and I think that they are responsible for mucking out their own stalls?..... Just a thought
I imagine that those cows would leave some pretty big patties...ha...… Deep breaths with you figure it out.....xo
BIG patties!! !!
There are horse options here, but they don't strike me as worth developing. I'm okay with horses but I've never met a "horse person" who didn't confuse and/or scare me. Pro'lly just 'cause my meanest sib was a devout horse person.
Yup, those cows leave lots and lots of pretty big patties. My composting passion says I should be collecting them for the compost pile. A pretty good variety of mushrooms grow out of those patties. Yet another job undone. One of many. Way more than one lone ol' lady can do by her lonesome.
Lol...love the 'heat' at 24 degrees, but I'd really rather have mine with Whipped Cream!
https://outdoors.stackexchange.com/questions/21234/is-burning-cow-pies-dried-cow-manure-safe
Ah...crooners the tenors, my youth sounds by mom...on am music 24/7