RIP Jennifer

One of my best friends committed suicide yesterday... I'm still trying to process it. There's so much running through my head. So many "why? and What ifs?". I've been numb mostly until just a couple hours ago. Now as it is starting to sink in... that I can't just call her up on the phone, I'm beginning to feel the hurt.
I've been with her through so much, why not this time? I was there 4 yrs ago after they ID'd her sons body. I was there 2 1/2 years ago when she got in a bad wreck, and I spent many nights there in that hospital. I just don't understand... I'm mad at myself for not being there this time.
I didn't know...