right write rite

things are going ok...work went well today and then I came home so exhausted

and ate a hodge podge of a meal and then took a shower and dressed. My stepmom called

me and said she had lots of food for me! I went over there

and she gave me two grocery bags of food! I was blown away. It really helps me! I feel so lucky!

I need to stay my distance from them though, as people around us here in Los Angeles County are getting

covid- sick- very easily and very much so  - and my parents are older now...I want to protect them. We all do.

I then came home and ate some more and then crashed on the sofa for a while. I just felt tired and toxic.

Too much random eating.

I need to structure my food intake better and not just eat willy nilly as that really effects

my mood, my weight, and also during this time - the holidays, as well as the pandemic and end of year and 'my therapist is out of town'- I have to self manage better because this TIRED FEELING I've been talking about has gone on 

for a couple days and I need to be good to myself - try not to pack on the lbs... and so being good to me that doesn't just mean - 'if it feels good, do it' 

I've found what works is keeping my food simple and on a kind of schedule- not too strict but not too random.

Anyways I will try and get a good night's sleep tonight. I can't believe tomorrow is New Year's Eve!!!???

It's a work day for me tomorrow, as is New Year's Day but still it's momentous and exciting!

I was watching a little bit of the American Masters series on PBS a moment ago...this one devoted to

"Louisa May Alcott" - two things that struck me about it was she said of her writing "I have lots of troubles in my life

and so I write 'jolly stories'." 

Then also there was a quote (which I think now is from the previous show of the same American Masters series but on Laura Ingalls Wilder ps. this is all that was on this early afternoon - I switched between

dire news on CNN and PBS lol AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!) ...back to the quote - the quote I am talking

about is that when she talked about her father she said "We live in America and Americans are free - My father doesn't have a Boss- and so he has to 'Boss himself'". I like that idea - the narrator said it betrayed her political leanings towards Libertarianism - but to tell you my true reaction - I like the idea of self responsibility - but I am not Libertarian.

I have great respect for all of us who take care of ourselves and our lives as best we can - all things considered 

for our struggles. 

I haven't talked this out before - but I believe in being disciplined and as responsible as possible - but I also believe

in social responsibilities and society. I don't know if we (USA) can evolve to a better place than we are right now - I really hope we can.

I've lived in Toronto, Canada for a year and a half - and I liked it but socialism concerns me..I've spent lots of time in 

Europe too. I think socialism works in Canada because the population is only about 30million. We're too many people

here in the US I think to have it. My life in Canada was when I was quite sick. So there's that to consider as a tainting to my perspective. I definitely liked so much about Canada but now thankfully I'm with my family again.