right reason?
Having an "off" day. Slept very little last night and when I did it was of my ex Mark and it completely smashed my frame of mind. So I looked for more jobs. It was hard to do, but I've deleted my facebook accounts. I like my games, but I think they get in my way of progress as well. That's what I need is progress. Impact that is huge and not the baby steps I take then let go of. I need change and permanent change for the better.
I don't know what this warrant is all about, but I will NOT let it stop me from moving back to Columbus and away from the scilent abuse I face at home. Columbus is my home and where my heart is. I will not take no for an answer this time.
I made a dying man a promise reguarding Mark that no one knows. His grandfather who died of cancer said this to me:
"Dorito I don't understand you damn kids You're just as damn stubborn as he is. Don't take no for an answer youre like my daughter now. Take care of him after I go. Don't listen to anyones bullshit they shouldn't have two damn cents to put in anyway. You two need each other. He needs you he's too damn stubborn to admit it. You make him happy. Get your shit together. I'm going to be gone soon. Is that cord plugged in?"
So heres everyones question, are you doing this for the right reason? Yes I am. I've asked myself over and over again why I'm doing the things that I am. I'm doing it for myself. I am moving to Columbus to get away from things I fight alone with. Things I don't like sharing because they make me look weak in ways. I am moving for me. I am making change for me. I am fighting for me, for my life, for my future. Are you going to relapes? Maybe. Will you fight with me and believe in me?
Now to be clear my heart is with Mark, no one needs to understand why I feel the way I do, and I will not date, have sex with, or have interactions physical with a man because that is my choice and I love him, and time will stand as my proof. I pray he's healing and making himself more aware and loving for himself and for me too but again, time will tell how loyal he truly is to my heart. If he still loves and cares and wants me for his own he will prove it, leaving no doubt. We will make it through anything if he comes back to me and opens his eyes, heart and mind. He's a good man on a dark path, I will be the light on the end of that tunnel, he just needs to keep walking towards me, and I will do the rest.
My anxiety and depressions are very high right now
I don't know what this warrant is all about, but I will NOT let it stop me from moving back to Columbus and away from the scilent abuse I face at home. Columbus is my home and where my heart is. I will not take no for an answer this time.
I made a dying man a promise reguarding Mark that no one knows. His grandfather who died of cancer said this to me:
"Dorito I don't understand you damn kids You're just as damn stubborn as he is. Don't take no for an answer youre like my daughter now. Take care of him after I go. Don't listen to anyones bullshit they shouldn't have two damn cents to put in anyway. You two need each other. He needs you he's too damn stubborn to admit it. You make him happy. Get your shit together. I'm going to be gone soon. Is that cord plugged in?"
So heres everyones question, are you doing this for the right reason? Yes I am. I've asked myself over and over again why I'm doing the things that I am. I'm doing it for myself. I am moving to Columbus to get away from things I fight alone with. Things I don't like sharing because they make me look weak in ways. I am moving for me. I am making change for me. I am fighting for me, for my life, for my future. Are you going to relapes? Maybe. Will you fight with me and believe in me?
Now to be clear my heart is with Mark, no one needs to understand why I feel the way I do, and I will not date, have sex with, or have interactions physical with a man because that is my choice and I love him, and time will stand as my proof. I pray he's healing and making himself more aware and loving for himself and for me too but again, time will tell how loyal he truly is to my heart. If he still loves and cares and wants me for his own he will prove it, leaving no doubt. We will make it through anything if he comes back to me and opens his eyes, heart and mind. He's a good man on a dark path, I will be the light on the end of that tunnel, he just needs to keep walking towards me, and I will do the rest.
My anxiety and depressions are very high right now
Replies
i know you can pull through this. i can tell you love mark, you speak so passionately about him here. dont miss the chance to rekindle that love, i\'ve learn that. i can tell you\'re a strong girl and i know you can pull through this, dont let your father stop you. you have my support!