right now, I have no answers

I have seemed to be real capable of thinking about my challenges. I'll tell you, that I went to work

today and worked around a bunch of negative people...Maybe it was my state of mind that 'took it in'

and it got under my skin... it got to me today... As I left work, I connected, remembered, with some of the journalling that I did

privately yesterday and I think that in part is what I have to remember... It was about the fact that with the new

therapist, I am starting to relax but as I relax I am also starting to let things bother me rather than think defensively (compartmentalize).

It's like I have to spin a plate in one hand and juggle a couple of balls in another. One hand for doing, one hand for processing. It keeps me in a kind of productive and defensive mode where I can deal with my feelings and stay productive, in my own lane..doing the best job I can.

Part of me tells myself I don't really want to go to work tomorrow - and on the other hand tells me that I won't let the negative folks stop me doing what I want to do....and need to do for that matter.

I am looking forward to seeing my therapist on Monday.