ricky retardo
I am having a struggling time to do something with my day.
I am falling into old patterns but trying to suss that out. Trying to learn
from things so that I don't make the same mistakes over and over.
So much of what I do, can be about how I want to see myself in the world.
Things that validate that sense of myself that seeks as I would like to see myself.
I guess there's nothing wrong with that but it's a solitary pursuit and leaves me....solitairy.
I ought not deny that I have done some good things today, fun and good in nature. I did a charity
walk this morning. I have been in touch with family and friends. I suppose
it would make sense to take stock of and appreciate what i have done. I think I guess I don't
want to be alone - and I am bored. I feel at a loss, like I fall short and I am trapped within who I am
(including my limitations) but I guess that's not ucommon.
I will nurture my positive outlook. I need to get a hamster wheel for my apartment. Hook it up
to the grid and produce electricity with it. :)
Replies
actually I am feeling pretty good about myself. Things aren't that bad. This last vent helped me put things in some positive outlook. I don't need to get down on myself.
I disagree that projecting the changes I seek in myself is a solitary pursuit. The folks I trust enough to talk to about my desired changes can even be proactively helpful. The ones I don't trust that far can still be helpful with the unwitting help of their reactions to the changes I am making.
True story:
My speech defect made it so that I started elementary school as a "retard." That was fine by me until I entered Missus Murphy's third grade class mid term. She took one look at me and declared, "Retarded, my eye." She proceeded to run me through hoops that would be illegal in today's schools, For good reason, but in my case, it worked. From there, she spear-headed a 3 teacher tag team which took my file folder from "Retarded" to "Gifted Math and Science." I was fully relieved when my parents pulled me out of *that* school. To this day, I wonder if Retards are the smartest ones of us all. I can honestly say I liked ^it^ better as a retard.
Dodging political correcting stones now. . .
I really appreciate the comment. I guess I feel overwhelmed by my pursuits and the limitations I have to seem to myself that I am making progress are not. Or even able to make progress. Things are not so clear right now.
I had a speech impediment when I was young as well. I remember being tested a lot in elementary school.
Things are all subjective right now. Thanks for replying.
I tend not to talk about things with people outside of this support group and also my Psychiatrist. I am not comfortable or ok with myself enough to do that. I feel like everyone outside of here is focusing on other things. I really admire that you are so able to be social. Sometimes I can, sometimes not. I tend to be kind of stiff in real life...guarded.
I can get so wrapped up in my way of doing things
that I kind of need to 'check in' with also the way I ought to be...
I think I could find a middle ground with this. Checking in with the way
things ought to be helps me mind my actions and put things into a order. However, when I focus on the things
the way they ought to be I tend to nullify my self and sociability to an extent,
but again it's a middle ground to search for.
Me? Social?
You have let assumption and internet anonymity fool you. Nothing could be further from the truth.
ok, well I guess I misunderstood. I do admire how you seem to be so 'social on this site' :)
It's a whole lot easier to be *social* when we doesn't have to sniff the farts, etc., and can limit that limited exposure to our mode of the moment.