Reteat
This was my first retreat, and I have to say, I was sad that the SOTH that I speak to on a fairly regular basis, did not make it for some reason. consequently, I was always going back to poor Marlene over and over again to thank her for being there in the beginning until her eyes stated to glaze over.,
Sharon, Sue, and Gretchen took me under their wing and I am grateful. We went out and I got my GF Cheeseburger in Paradise.
I ended up in a private room with my friend Elizabeth and no other moms. I think that made me feel further isolated and disconnected. But, I do truly believe that things work out the way they should eventually, so I adjusted my mind. It just felt more like a vacation to me. I just had hoped to be of some use to another mom newer along. I think sometimes, expectations can be our downfall.
i hope, next year everyone can make it. The winks were awesome. So many dragonflies and no mosquitoes for them to feed on..go figure.
Sharon, Sue, and Gretchen took me under their wing and I am grateful. We went out and I got my GF Cheeseburger in Paradise.
I ended up in a private room with my friend Elizabeth and no other moms. I think that made me feel further isolated and disconnected. But, I do truly believe that things work out the way they should eventually, so I adjusted my mind. It just felt more like a vacation to me. I just had hoped to be of some use to another mom newer along. I think sometimes, expectations can be our downfall.
i hope, next year everyone can make it. The winks were awesome. So many dragonflies and no mosquitoes for them to feed on..go figure.
Replies
Hi Lauri. I am so sorry I didn\'t spend more time with you. I totally understand your feelings about the retreat. I felt the same way at my first retreat. On the way home, I told Joe that I wasn\'t going again, but I changed my mind, and I am so glad I did. This was my 4th retreat.
I understand the isolation when traveling with others. I think it would have been easier if I had been on my own and shared a room. Having said that, please don\'t give up! This is my 4th retreat now - I told Joe I wasn\'t going again on our way home from the first one, but I am so glad I did.
I am glad you and Elizabeth were able to enjoy the vacation. It was certainly an idyllic place!
Next time, just say \"Let\'s hang out\". I would have loved to get to know you better.
Love and tight hugs, M
I was saddened to hear you had been yet again separated from other moms. First you were with us, then moved with two other moms and then to be moved once again to a room with no moms. I would have been hurt too! My first retreat was two years ago. This was my second and I vowed even before this one happened, to never go to another one! Well, after spending time with everyone, meeting new moms, and being further along in my journey, it was the best!! I never thought I could laugh and have a good time again, but it happened. Hope to see you next year! xo Sharon
After my first retreat, which was THE first retreat, I told my husband I\'d never go again. That was 9 years ago and I\'ve never missed one yet!! LOL! I actually can\'t wait each year for retreat time!
I\'m sorry you felt \"out of sorts\"....I totally get it. In MY opinion, we (moms who\'d been to more retreats and are further along in our journey) failed you....and the other newer and first time moms. This is something we definitely need to work on!!
Truth is, for me, it also felt like a vacation. A WONDERFUL vacation of seeing old friends whom I adore. I think since most of us had been to so many retreats and had gotten to know each other so well, our excitement over shadowed our being there for the first timers.
I also think sharing a room with other moms is SOOO important and helpful. At least for me it is! God bless the husbands and friends who join us, but there\'s nothing better than having a couple of moms in the room late at night or early in the morning. That\'s when we get to really unwind and BE in the moment and share our hearts. It\'s hard to so that in larger crowds sometimes.
Every year has been different. Different locations, different events. I encourage you to give it another try and see how you feel after your second retreat. Not only will the retreat be different, but you will be different because you will be in a new place in your journey.
I am truly, deeply sorry I personally wasn\'t a better friend to you this weekend! I take your words to heart and will remember them, hopefully, next year.
THANK YOU for joining us this year and I truly hope it won\'t be your last retreat.
Everyone\'s experience is so unique and I have a sense this retreat was meant to fill you, Lauri. Your presence matters by just BEing who you are and each mom has to have a \"first.\" We used to tell Al-Anon folks to please come back to at least six to eight meetings before they decided we were not for them. Retreats are often that way too... For me, I think it\'s because I\'m in a different place on this path that the ones that I have attended each have their own feeling.
I\'m sorry that you were not with other moms and and am grateful you can share how the experience was for you. One thing too that often happens after a retreat is a let down of sorts for some, yet those heart to heart connections with women that have been on-line companions seems to go to a whole new level.
Gentle care dear Lauri and heartfelt (((hugs)))
XO Joanie
Oh Lauri!!! I am so glad to hear someone put into words how it feels to be \"new\". I too felt detached somehow. I felt better during our activities but during the free time I was lost. Other mothers were very kind o me and really tried to get me involved, but because those events were \"fun\", I felt horribly guilty and out of place. I am just not ready to have fun...my favorite times were when I was speaking one on one to moms about our children and how deeply hurt we were. I guess I was expecting more of that than a vacation type of retreat. The \"founding mothers\" are just further down the path and have years-long connections...we want to be there right along with them but we just aren\'t yet. Oh, if only you and I could have connected and shared our feelings...thank you for being so brave and honest and sharing your feelings here...I thought I was the only one!!
Thank you for sharing your honest heart! If I ever get to go to a retreat, I will know that sometimes the first one may not be as wonderful as those who get to repeatedly go to a retreat. I will try to seek out other first timers even though we may not be on the same page with our grief. By the way, I too will need GF DF (Dairy) and and mostly SF (Sugar). (Food is the biggest problem for me while traveling!) I know no one intentionally left anyone out but it is always hard in a new group.
Sending love,
Leda
Hi Lauri - I am so saddened to read your journal - I so wanted to be there, but couldn\'t for a variety of reasons......I think the other moms really heard you and are grateful you had the courage to be honest about your experience.
No promises, but I hope that I\'m able to attend next year (I\'ll have more sick time built up and hopefully the destination will be closer) -
(((hugs)))) Vicki
Oh my, I am so sorry to hear this. Please know that none of this was done intentionally. Each year the retreat committee has so much to do and tries very hard to do what they think is best in each situation. AND, things get very crazy and confusing...and one thing changes and it snowballs. Each retreat is different, sometimes we are very structured and other times we have a more free schedule. So, as the others have said...please give the retreat another try.
Thank you for sharing with us it truly helps us to know what to be aware of and work to improve!
Love and hugs...Karen
Oh Laurie I admire your courage and your honesty. I am sorry you felt separate but I understand it. I hope you will go to other retreats. I do believe that I feel a little closer to several of the moms. My first retreat wasn\'t great but there was enough good to make me want to go to another and I\'m glad we did.
Some people feel comfortable with themselves and the world. I am not one of those people. Richard is not either although he is better able to put on a brave front for the world than I am. I had some similar problems with my first retreat when we went to Boston. We ended up not attending the Tahoe retreat and I was leery about attending this one.
I am glad we did although I had to change what I hoped for from this retreat. Initially I was quite emphatic that we did not want to be in a single bedroom condo by ourselves. Changes in who was going resulted in our being in a condo by ourselves. I had some problems with the feelings of rejection and almost didn\'t go. I finally decided I\'d go and try to view it as a vacation. We did enjoy the retreat more than not. We ended up, while feeling a bit guilty for getting the condo to ourselves at group cost, quite enjoying the privacy. I had group and separate experiences for which I\'m grateful.
I know extra effort was made for keeping us in a group for meals as a result of what happened in Boston and I do appreciate it.
I know it wasn\'t easy for you to write the truth about your feelings in your journal. I am so glad you did. Truth in the face of being rejected because you don\'t write a super laudatory journal that might be more socially acceptable doesn\'t create growth and change. I hope that your journal will be used to create more positive experiences for all at future retreats. That being said I want to thank AnnM and the other administrators/members who organized the retreat.
I did not mean to complain..and I certainly did not mean to blame anyone else for how I felt. I was just journaling my feelings at the moment. I will definitely try another retreat. Trust me, overall, I enjoyed my stay in Florida. The weather, the women...it was my preconceptions that were off I think.
Lauri ~ journal writing is so helpful on this journey we wished we were not on. Keep writing & sharing your heart, we understand & care.
This year\'s retreat was my 3rd & each one has been different. Sometimes I wanted to be with the moms, other times I needed to be alone. Sometimes I longed for the moms to take care of me, other times I wanted to take care of others.
How can a group of moms with broken hearts & shattered hopes continue to meet at these retreats & walk away with even a second of healing? I don\'t know for sure, but I\'ve seen it happen & Ive felt it happen.
I didn\'t take your journal as complaining or blaming. I read it as coming from a sister of the heart who put into words, what her heart was feeling. I look forward to reading more of your journals Lauri.
p.s. One of the most touching moments from this year\'s retreat for me was when the dragon fly landed near you at the restaurant & stayed there for a long time. At that moment it made me think of your sweet Patrick.
Much love & many hugs!
I am sorry you experienced this your first retreat and being so many whom youijhad talk on line not being news you had come to share with on line not being there. I have not attended a retreat yet have read other issue but I hope would keep you away as I also heard so many uplifting help. We all need the love of others. .