Results from Fetal Testing

My "band-aid" weekend turned out to be nice, even though I spent 90% of it sad and thinking of my miscarriage and my baby. We met some cool people and hung out with them, and that managed to distract me for a little while. Still, it was nice to get away and a change of scenery. Today I received a phone call from my RE who gave me the results of the fetal testing from the D&C. Turns out it was a genetic abnormality: Trisomy 15. Apparantly this is very common with women who are advanced maternal age, and the fetus usually stops developing around week 6 or 7. RE said there's a 30% chance this or another trisomy abnormality would happen again if I were to get pregnant with my own eggs. He said if we did decide to do IVF again, he would recommend PGD testing or donor eggs. This made me intensely sad to hear, even though none of that comes as a surprise. I am 44 years old and need to face facts here even though its soooo damn painful. I feel so sad thinking my poor little baby was abnormal and never had a chance to develop. I think of how he/she fought so hard but was never meant to be and it rips my heart open. For now, I need to allow myself time to grieve this huge loss and when I am ready, we will figure out our next steps. We do not have the money for anymore IVF, let alone PGD testing or donor eggs, and same with adoption, but I struggle so much with the idea that I will never have anyone call me Mommy. I'm just not sure where to go from here. But again, right now I'm in mourning and just so very sad and so very empty and I need to move past this pain. It sorta feels like the pain will never go away. Where there once was a baby, joy and hope has now been replaced with pain, sadness and emptiness and it feels awful. 
I'm so grateful for you all and I know so many of you understand this all too well. I wish us all peace on our journeys, wherever they may lead. Lots of love to all xoxoxo

Replies

RoxyD
RoxyD

So sorry. Not sure they could have told you anything that would make it better but it\'s still hard to take.
Hugs
deleted_user
deleted_user

Hugs to you and DH.
Jat092311
Jat092311

I wish there was something else to say other than {HUGS} to you and your DH.
CaliCutie81
CaliCutie81

There are no words to share to take away the pain, but I\'ll be praying that you are able to grieve, heal and find peace. XO
kevsgirl9797
kevsgirl9797

So so sorry for you. I just had to point out, since you said you couldn\'t afford adoption, that (at least in my state) there are programs for fostering/adoption that not only don\'t cost you anything, but often pay you for the child\'s care. I don\'t know if you\'ve already looked into this, and have ruled it out, or maybe hadn\'t considered it before. Obviously, you would most likely be getting an older child this way, but if you really just want to be someone\'s mom, then maybe this is the way for you to get there. Just a suggestion, and I hope that I\'m not out of line for bringing it up. Again, I am so heartbroken for you. I really just want happiness for you, no matter how you find it. Hugs, dear.
HopefulinNYC
HopefulinNYC

Thanks everyone. It\'s true, they couldn\'t have said anything to make it better and really nothing will. Kevsgirl, you are not out of line at all, I appreciate the suggestion and thinking of me!
Kelly0713
Kelly0713

Sorry to hear this. At least you got an answer. I wish you peace and clarity about the next steps. Hugs!
ejadep123
ejadep123

This breaks my heart. There\'s no feeling in the world like a miscarriage and no one seems to understand unless they\'ve been there. I\'m sorry to hear abut your news from the RE and the odds of it happening again. Allow yourself to grieve so you can move forward. The right decision will come to you in time.
browngurl30
browngurl30

So sad hub! Take time for yourself!
Andi60857
Andi60857

Well I\'m glad you had a nice weekend away! I know it feels like the pain will never go away, but it will ease eventually and time will help. Just take the time you need to grieve. Hugs to you xo
Orriginal
Orriginal

It is good to get away from it all and glad it helped, even a little. Thinking of you.
PolkaDotGirl
PolkaDotGirl

I\'m proud of you for having your band aid week and trying to enjoy it. I\'m so very very sorry for all of your sadness. Take care of yourself and mourn. And know that I will be thinking about you.
jewelzsi
jewelzsi

:(.... so sorry, but at least you have an answer and can heal and move forward
Nedico
Nedico

So sad for your loss and your heartache going forward. I still wish for you to find what makes you complete one way or another, Its true what they say, no one makes it through this life without battle scars, these are yours. Lots of love to you and DH
LMWT
LMWT

I am so sorry again for your loss. I am glad you had some answers. I know it seems impossible but the pain you are feeling will go away and you will be able to think about the future. Having my RE look me in the eye at 30 and tell me I needed to use a donor was the worst feeling ever. But once we decided on that path, it became much easier to bare. So once you are ready to make a decision it will not be an easy one, but once its made I am sure you will feel more at peace with whichever route you choose. Sending you lots of love! XOXO