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Responsible for my passions

I sent this to my godson and I am putting it here as I've resolved the theme more distinctly. Where we all have feelings and passions it's a lesson that I've learned to handle them responsibly.

I’m also definitely thinking about interdependence this morning. The community here has been wonderfully health giving mentally.It's been stable and very routine, essential for me as stress is an activator of my condition.

I'm thinking about how I’m living in a community now that is tinkering on the brink of being dissolved (it seems.)

And also my dependence on my family.

It’s important and cherished to have these relationships but also to forge an independent self reliance financially,

etc... Its just not reality to think someone will pay for me. I do have some savings so this helps Me feel calmer about the viable status of the monasteries and my possible separation from them.

I woke up this morning feeling so calm and held by the Peace of this monastery but equally very childlike and comfortable but without a sense of control over my life. Crying like a baby bird inside I knew I had to find stable ground. I know I am now a separate viable adult in my family as we all have to become, like any kit of a family of foxes. We have to forge our path and I should think as such and so I took consolation that I have saved a good amount of money and should continue to do so. So I am saving once again.

I need to exercise as well as I can feel the rage and anger in me as just being a human animal.

I will get good exercise today and not just live in my mind.

Here's what I wrote to my godson. Just thinking about you Felix. I sense you could use this wisdom as much as I needed and still need to hear it. For the way I grew up, one therapist said to me to ‘reparent’ myself. I didn’t completely understand what that meant aside from indulging myself in passions and exploring life. And I didn’t completely understand that in a big way. But what I learned later after having gotten into some trouble because of my passions was that I needed to be self responsible for my feelings and then relationships which ultimately gave me a better respect for what others go through in life. Right now because I was transferred to Oklahoma without notice, I’m revisiting again the need to do what is right for me. I am not exactly sure if I am going anywhere else or somewhere else. I am starting to see the reparenting need to focus on supportive relationships for survival reasons as well as good times but also the whole scope for what it means to indulge the inner child. A good parent I think would help me keep the scope for having some fun but also for preparing for my present and future survival and thriving. So like ‘sure have some ice cream… but don’t eat the whole container again and again’ I think good parenting has to do with helping a child, including your inner child, negotiate the wisdoms as well as pleasures/passions in life.

Making good decisions that are right for you in life.

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