Response
I struggled with the words to accurately convey my honest thoughts and feelings. I've struggled with whether to post again or not. I am apparently not at a place to play nice on a public forum.
Again several reasons for not seeking counseling. Not the least of which... I know (know) every single counselor in this town. I can travel out of town. But then there's the issue of money and time and availability. Until I'm at a place where I'm prepared to be open and honest...I can promise it won't get anywhere. I've been there done that. The walls I've built are big and my trust isn't.
Questioning my mothering is frustrating beyond comprehension. That I play a part or participate in their abuse is nauseating. I fight for my children. (not physically and not in front of them). But I refuse to roll over and take it from him.
Many kids have chores. Many kids wake up early to do their chores. Even during breaks from school. Many kids are limited in privileges both in the amount of media and friends being allowed over or nights spent away from home. And I do agree he has been controlling and manipulative with his system. I've done my best to defend my kids.
I have taken steps. I've read here. Sought employment. And yet I'm still some how portrayed a villain. I've read here the back and forth of trying to leave and stay no contact. And while I understand that. I get it. I think how much more damaging to kids to be tossed about. {Mom wants to live here. No mom doesn't want to live here. Oh we're back home. Oh no we aren't.} I will leave when I able to provide a stable home for my children. I get that that isn't soon enough but they are absolutely my number one concern in all of this.
However that leaves the whole point that he will get joint custody. He will. (Or. How about he has enough money and power and competence to rule me unfit and just take full custody.) I run the scenarios thru my mind. I can take them and share the kids but then they are left with being with him w out mom there to fight for them. And make no mistake he would find ways to continue to manipulate and control them even while they are at my house. I have little doubt that he wouldn't remarry quickly and now my children will be forced to continue to witness an unstable marriage relationship. Perhaps one where the wife does roll over and takes it or partakes in their physical punishment. I know I am not the only person who has wavered in when best to leave when kids are involved. I've read it here. I've spoken with people in person. Some that advise staying till the children are grown so they aren't forced to stay with him alone. (That thought, them alone with him scares me.)
There is no easy scenario please don't sit on the other side and judge my actions in any accusatory manner.
I understand that children and religion can be twiggers for others here. So I withdraw.
And from the bottom of my hear.....Thank you all for the time and consideration with your advice! !!!!
Again several reasons for not seeking counseling. Not the least of which... I know (know) every single counselor in this town. I can travel out of town. But then there's the issue of money and time and availability. Until I'm at a place where I'm prepared to be open and honest...I can promise it won't get anywhere. I've been there done that. The walls I've built are big and my trust isn't.
Questioning my mothering is frustrating beyond comprehension. That I play a part or participate in their abuse is nauseating. I fight for my children. (not physically and not in front of them). But I refuse to roll over and take it from him.
Many kids have chores. Many kids wake up early to do their chores. Even during breaks from school. Many kids are limited in privileges both in the amount of media and friends being allowed over or nights spent away from home. And I do agree he has been controlling and manipulative with his system. I've done my best to defend my kids.
I have taken steps. I've read here. Sought employment. And yet I'm still some how portrayed a villain. I've read here the back and forth of trying to leave and stay no contact. And while I understand that. I get it. I think how much more damaging to kids to be tossed about. {Mom wants to live here. No mom doesn't want to live here. Oh we're back home. Oh no we aren't.} I will leave when I able to provide a stable home for my children. I get that that isn't soon enough but they are absolutely my number one concern in all of this.
However that leaves the whole point that he will get joint custody. He will. (Or. How about he has enough money and power and competence to rule me unfit and just take full custody.) I run the scenarios thru my mind. I can take them and share the kids but then they are left with being with him w out mom there to fight for them. And make no mistake he would find ways to continue to manipulate and control them even while they are at my house. I have little doubt that he wouldn't remarry quickly and now my children will be forced to continue to witness an unstable marriage relationship. Perhaps one where the wife does roll over and takes it or partakes in their physical punishment. I know I am not the only person who has wavered in when best to leave when kids are involved. I've read it here. I've spoken with people in person. Some that advise staying till the children are grown so they aren't forced to stay with him alone. (That thought, them alone with him scares me.)
There is no easy scenario please don't sit on the other side and judge my actions in any accusatory manner.
I understand that children and religion can be twiggers for others here. So I withdraw.
And from the bottom of my hear.....Thank you all for the time and consideration with your advice! !!!!
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