Respect
I think if you were to boil down my criteria for people being a part of my life it would be respect for how I feel- no matter what that might be. I don't give a shit how crazy it might seem- nor do I proclaim my feelings to not be crazy. I think all feelings kind of are- crazy to people who dont feel them, hard to understand if you havent lived that person's life. But I'm not asking for someone to understand how I feel. Don't get me wrong- understanding would be nice- but I don't require it, nor do I expect it. I understand that true understanding can only come from living one's life. And I wouldn't wish my struggles on anyone. Thats not to say that other's haven't struggled more than I- I know they have. But my struggle isn't any less personal or important just bc others have struggled more or don't understand. However, understanding isn't the goal. Respect is what's necessary.
From this point on no one will be allowed in my life who doesn't respect my feelings. I don't care how much love they proclaim to have or how much they do for me. I need to be able to feel whatever it is I feel and that needs to be okay, period. There are no exceptions to that rule anymore. The last exception left with C. She was the last person who has absolutely no respect for my feelings to be allowed into my life. I love her very much and that won't change. I don't think it needs to. But just like it isnt about understanding, it isnt about love either- its about respect.
What's fucked up is that I knew that in high school. I knew a fuck lot about life in high school believe it or not. I was just extremily rough around the edges- extremily. I needed to calm the fuck down- A Lot. But many of my principles were correct. It sucks that I let them get beaten out of me. It sucks that I allowed lonelieness and abuse to erode my principles. I just didnt have enough fight in me to combat all the many forces stacked against me- and there were so many. After a while only a shell of me remained. Until now.
I am grateful for all the pain and struggle that this year had brought into my life. It all sucked more than words could say- but it was very necessary. Im happy to have found me again and I vow not to let go anymore, not ever. If people are meant to be in my life then they will respect that, period. No more exceptions
From this point on no one will be allowed in my life who doesn't respect my feelings. I don't care how much love they proclaim to have or how much they do for me. I need to be able to feel whatever it is I feel and that needs to be okay, period. There are no exceptions to that rule anymore. The last exception left with C. She was the last person who has absolutely no respect for my feelings to be allowed into my life. I love her very much and that won't change. I don't think it needs to. But just like it isnt about understanding, it isnt about love either- its about respect.
What's fucked up is that I knew that in high school. I knew a fuck lot about life in high school believe it or not. I was just extremily rough around the edges- extremily. I needed to calm the fuck down- A Lot. But many of my principles were correct. It sucks that I let them get beaten out of me. It sucks that I allowed lonelieness and abuse to erode my principles. I just didnt have enough fight in me to combat all the many forces stacked against me- and there were so many. After a while only a shell of me remained. Until now.
I am grateful for all the pain and struggle that this year had brought into my life. It all sucked more than words could say- but it was very necessary. Im happy to have found me again and I vow not to let go anymore, not ever. If people are meant to be in my life then they will respect that, period. No more exceptions
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