Repeating the Same Anxiety
Again my day off of taking care of my father and sister and my brother has already called me four times in the last two hours asking what seem to me questions that with a little search or even asking one of them he wouldn't have to bother me.
I have maybe called him three times in three weeks on his days off. He has no consideration of me or my time. The phone rings and it causes my heart to skip, my chest to tighten and hearing his voice causes me to want to scream. I want him to leave me alone, I don't want to talk to hi8m or hear him and I definitely don't want to be bothered on what is supposed to be my day off.
I can't turn off the phone, there may actually be some kind of emergency. I have no where to go and wouldn't be comfortable if I went out. Too cold and nothing open today anyway.
I have maybe called him three times in three weeks on his days off. He has no consideration of me or my time. The phone rings and it causes my heart to skip, my chest to tighten and hearing his voice causes me to want to scream. I want him to leave me alone, I don't want to talk to hi8m or hear him and I definitely don't want to be bothered on what is supposed to be my day off.
I can't turn off the phone, there may actually be some kind of emergency. I have no where to go and wouldn't be comfortable if I went out. Too cold and nothing open today anyway.
Replies
Hi Kluu...
Sounds rough. Do you think that the next time your brother makes you feel that way, you can tell him that you want to help him but he is making you feel anxious and stressed. Tell him that how he is acting, (be specific), is stressing you out!
you have to state this. he is not \"listening\" to you . and he doesn\'t appear to have the empathy skill. by \"telling\" him and stating what he is doing to make you nervous and anxious, it will show that he is affecting you and this will wake him up. right now, it seems he is trying to \"shake you up\" by acting messed up toward you, and he feels that it\'s not working. But if you tell him how it\'s making you feel, and how it\'s not helping to act that way, then he will learn. But it takes a few lessons for a person like this to learn people skills like that. so keep at it until he realizes.
in addition, his lack of empathy may either reflect that when he was young he didn\'t know how to obtain the things he truly needed, or how to communicate effectively with a caregiver. maybe he didn\'t receive enough attention to his real emotional needs and this is his way of acting out....
OR, maybe your parents were too permissive with him as a child and he never truly experienced frustration since the parents didn\'t let him get frustrated and never denied him anything, and now he just gives up and throws a tanty when he gets even slightly frustrated at something. you know?
relationships are all about communication. to improve the relationship with your brother, I think you\'re going to have to tell him how he is making you feel the next time he does that, and then tell him it doesn\'t help. i think this repairs things because when you really want a relationship to work, you tell the person how they can make it better.