reminders

I think today was one of the first day in which I felt I could or wanted to really grieve. It has been 8 months since Brad died but I have been to busy to let it out. I acutally slept in this morning which I never do and of course the boys almost missed their bus because I wasn't up to wake them up but they are 16 years old and can get off to school by themselves. I am trying to do at least one thing each day. I still have all by paperwork in boxes. Yesterday I came across a picture of my husband, the one I  blew up for his memorial. It was in a box in the basement. I felt bad for leaving it there,  I brought it upstairs and put it in the drawer of the night stand in what would have been his side. I want it close but not out for everyone to see. I heard a couple of songs that reminded me of him and I started to cry in the driveway in my car.

It seems so unreal. I feel so lonely, that is the biggest thing for me right now. He wasn't much of a talker but at least I knew he was there. I am looking at taking some classes but nothing starts till January. I guess I will have to wait. I never thought I would be starting over from scratch at 51. At least if I had a friend or two it would be easier.