Rememberance
Dear Nick:
Three years ago tonight we parted. We never said good bye as neither of us could accept that you were dying. After all, how could you die? You were so full of life. You were so full of determination to beat the demon called cancer. You had such a desire to live and still so much to do.
No, we never said good bye. You just lost consciousness and in the early morning hours of March 28th you finally lost your battle for life. You may have died on the 28th but it is the 27th of March that is forever burned into my mind and heart.
Each year when this time comes I expect the pain to be easier, the tears to be less and the memories not quite as devastating. I have been wrong each year. I am still standing by your bed holding your hand talking to you. I so wanted you to know that you were not alone.
After three years I still have a hard time accepting that you really are gone. Even though I held you as you left and I felt your wonderful spirit leave I still have such a hard time thinking of you as not being a vital living being. I hope that somewhere you are. I hope you are well, happy and are working on another computer code... one that is deviously difficult to keep your brilliant clever mind happy and busy. I hope you have discovered so many wonders and new horizons that you never think about what life here was like.
I still miss you so very much. I miss the hikes we took, the pick nicks we had, the huckleberry picking trips, watching TV holding hands, our weekly trips to Marceller's. I miss the life we had.
Tonight I honor your memory with tears and a longing to hold you just one more time.
Love you always,
Darlene March 27,2014
Three years ago tonight we parted. We never said good bye as neither of us could accept that you were dying. After all, how could you die? You were so full of life. You were so full of determination to beat the demon called cancer. You had such a desire to live and still so much to do.
No, we never said good bye. You just lost consciousness and in the early morning hours of March 28th you finally lost your battle for life. You may have died on the 28th but it is the 27th of March that is forever burned into my mind and heart.
Each year when this time comes I expect the pain to be easier, the tears to be less and the memories not quite as devastating. I have been wrong each year. I am still standing by your bed holding your hand talking to you. I so wanted you to know that you were not alone.
After three years I still have a hard time accepting that you really are gone. Even though I held you as you left and I felt your wonderful spirit leave I still have such a hard time thinking of you as not being a vital living being. I hope that somewhere you are. I hope you are well, happy and are working on another computer code... one that is deviously difficult to keep your brilliant clever mind happy and busy. I hope you have discovered so many wonders and new horizons that you never think about what life here was like.
I still miss you so very much. I miss the hikes we took, the pick nicks we had, the huckleberry picking trips, watching TV holding hands, our weekly trips to Marceller's. I miss the life we had.
Tonight I honor your memory with tears and a longing to hold you just one more time.
Love you always,
Darlene March 27,2014
Replies
Darlene,
you wrote a beautiful message to your Nick and I am sure he knows you love him very much and miss him too. It is hard to think of them as being gone, we all are going to one day and we knew that but when it happens it changes us forever and the longing for them I think will never go completely away. You are a wonderful caring person and he is watching over you and is proud of you I\'m sure.
Peace and love to you Darlene
Laurie
Darlene: As Laurie said what a incredibly beautiful message. I am with you in spirit and in my prayers tonight. The pain of these anniversaries and the struggles of the journey are incredible. Thank you for sharing a snapshot of what life with your husband was like. You clearly had a tremendous oneness and love in your marriage(I get how hard it is to lose that). I also totally related to not beleiving the cancer would cause my spouse to pass. I also didnt say goodbye. Darlene sending you a big hug.
I wish I could do more to comfort you. God bless. Gerald
Darlene, your journal to Nick was so very beautiful - such love never dies. I was not with Jack when he died and that bothers me so much but two of our children were in the room with him at the hospital - I pray he knew they were there. I can feel what you felt from your written words - It is nine months for me so now I know what a one year anniversary must feel like. Take care, dear friend, Nick is with you in spirit always - God be with you and bring you peace. Agnes