I had an appointment with my counselor on Wednesday.  During the appointment I remembered some things about my past, things that happened to me.  It felt like I was reliving it all over again.  What I could remember, that is.
Funny things is, I've always wished for a reason.  I've wanted to know why I feel the way I do, why I have the problems I do.  I figured if I had a reason it wouldn't be as bad, at least then I'd understand everything a little more. 
I don't want a reason anymore.  I don't want to remember.  I just want things to go back to the way they were.  I don't care anymore if I understand why I feel the way I do.  I just want these thoughts, these memories, gone. 
Does this make any sense?  Maybe making sense  of it isn't what I should be doing.  I guess I just need to learn to live with the memories.  But I don't want to.  I don't think I can.