Remember

Sunday, Sunday! Woke up in my room with my dogs sleeping next to me, and feeling pretty darn good. Day 27. I laid in bed and thought about the times I would go and gamble for days on end, and then, wake up after finally coming home, usually with fear and tears streaming down my face. Too afraid to pick up the constant telephone calls, or text messages from family and friends, worried about me. Today, I woke up with the sun coming in, and thought, "what a great day." I did have urges over the last couple of days, but, I stayed focused, I stayed busy, and I remembered, I remembered the last time I went on my binge, the people I hurt, the money that is forever gone, my self hatred, my fear, my FEAR. Sunday, its a good day for me today. I decided to treat myself to something yesterday, I bought a plant that looked like the saddest plant in the place, and I replanted it. I cut the roses in my backyard and put them in a vase in the middle of my table. I opened the curtains and let the sun in, and I just enjoyed my simple, sweet, GF weekend. Moving forward, I am working on the 12 steps, I did them for another program 30 years ago, and loved them, and it worked for me at the time. This addiction is so different from anything else I have ever experienced. You would think, the obvious, it should be so easy to not gamble, to just stop. I know, and you know, that everyday we don't place a bet is a challenge and deserves to be celebrated. So, today, 27 days GF, one day at a time, I celebrate all of us. xo.