Releasing Smokey's ashes - afterwards was hard

The releasing of Smokey's ashes itself was okay.  It was the afterwards that was hard for me.  When I got home, it was like the unbearable pain of loss when Smokey first passed away.  It hit me one hundred percent hard and very painful.  We released the ashes almost six months after Smokey's passing away.  It did not realize it would be that hard.  I think it is the finality of Smokey's passing or the last straw.  Something like it but I am not very eloquint at this point.  The words are slipping away from me.