Relationship or Roommates ?
I've always been a hopeless romantic. I hold onto hope that love will last like a person adrift in the sea clinging onto a life preserver. While determination like that is good for many aspects of life, lately I wonder if it's a good idea where love is concerned. After all I witnessed first hand while I was married that sometimes hope, and determination, isn't nearly enough to help a relationship succeed. Plus, as much as I'd like to believe it, I'm not so sure anymore if love is really enough to hold two people together. Sometimes there are simply too many issues that can't be resolved, no matter how much the two of you " claim " to love each other. It comes down to what you're truly willing to put up with in your daily life, I think.
Many years ago I was naïve, and believed that love was enough. I believed that love was the catalyst that would push two people into doing anything they had to in order to be completely happy together. I was missing a universe of other factors involved. You can't ignore even the smallest factors like how an individual was raised, and what situations they had to cope with as a child. Every single person they interacted with growing up, affects how they behave as an adult, and for many years later in life.
Back to what I had originally meant to make this post about...
My current boyfriend is at his core a good man. He has a heart of gold when he allows it to surface. I fell in love with him many years ago. Though unfortunately I can't honestly say that I've been together with him for many years. To say we've been on a rollercoaster ride - as far as our relationship goes - for the last twelve years, would be an understatement of enormous proportions. Just don't ask me how many times we broke up. lol Why did I take him back so many times ? Why did I take him back yet again this past January 2016 ? All I can say to that is... I still love him very much.
Is that enough to make our relationship a good one ?
That remains to be seen at this point.
It comes down to the way our personalities clash so often. He constantly wants everything a " certain way ", when he wants it, how he wants it, etc... If he doesn't get his way, then there's hell to pay. His anger has no limits. Even after knowing him now for a total of twelve years, he still surprises me when he'll get extremely enraged over the simplest, and smallest thing, that doesn't go exactly how he felt that it should have gone. It makes me think that somewhere in his mind he truly believes that the world as a whole should always revolve around him, and his needs. That's simply not how life works. Life comes with disappointments frequently. That's a fact that no one can avoid. Is that a legitimate reason to fly into a raging fit ? No ! I don't feel that it is. Does he understand this ? Obviously he doesn't.
Besides his anger, his idea of " being romantic " is very far from my own. He does none of the simple small things that would be so easy for him to do, that would help me to feel truly loved by him. A simple hug, a kiss, a gentle touch... are these things really too much to ask for ? I don't think so. Instead of those things that I long for so very much, he " jokes around " with me, and tickles me sometimes. Acting like a " class clown " with me, basically is his idea of being " romantic ". Am I really supposed to feel wanted, and loved, being treated like I'm his older sister ?! To make things even more hurtful, on top of this behavior, he spends hours online chatting with Other Women !
He swears that those Other Women are just " play toys " for him, and don't mean anything to him emotionally. I would believe him a lot more if there wasn't the fact that he's left me before for someone he originally met online, and on top of that I had originally met him online. He says that he " learned his lesson " from the many failed relationships he had from those women he met online, so he's not going to do it ever again.
Can I believe that ? I wish I could. I want to.... I want to believe him, but I'm afraid to believe him just to turn around one day, and find that he's gone.
Right now though.... We're " supposed to be " boyfriend / girlfriend, but the way he acts towards me I feel more like his roommate than his girlfriend.
Will this ever change ? I hope so, but I'm not sure how... or even if it's possible with him.
Many years ago I was naïve, and believed that love was enough. I believed that love was the catalyst that would push two people into doing anything they had to in order to be completely happy together. I was missing a universe of other factors involved. You can't ignore even the smallest factors like how an individual was raised, and what situations they had to cope with as a child. Every single person they interacted with growing up, affects how they behave as an adult, and for many years later in life.
Back to what I had originally meant to make this post about...
My current boyfriend is at his core a good man. He has a heart of gold when he allows it to surface. I fell in love with him many years ago. Though unfortunately I can't honestly say that I've been together with him for many years. To say we've been on a rollercoaster ride - as far as our relationship goes - for the last twelve years, would be an understatement of enormous proportions. Just don't ask me how many times we broke up. lol Why did I take him back so many times ? Why did I take him back yet again this past January 2016 ? All I can say to that is... I still love him very much.
Is that enough to make our relationship a good one ?
That remains to be seen at this point.
It comes down to the way our personalities clash so often. He constantly wants everything a " certain way ", when he wants it, how he wants it, etc... If he doesn't get his way, then there's hell to pay. His anger has no limits. Even after knowing him now for a total of twelve years, he still surprises me when he'll get extremely enraged over the simplest, and smallest thing, that doesn't go exactly how he felt that it should have gone. It makes me think that somewhere in his mind he truly believes that the world as a whole should always revolve around him, and his needs. That's simply not how life works. Life comes with disappointments frequently. That's a fact that no one can avoid. Is that a legitimate reason to fly into a raging fit ? No ! I don't feel that it is. Does he understand this ? Obviously he doesn't.
Besides his anger, his idea of " being romantic " is very far from my own. He does none of the simple small things that would be so easy for him to do, that would help me to feel truly loved by him. A simple hug, a kiss, a gentle touch... are these things really too much to ask for ? I don't think so. Instead of those things that I long for so very much, he " jokes around " with me, and tickles me sometimes. Acting like a " class clown " with me, basically is his idea of being " romantic ". Am I really supposed to feel wanted, and loved, being treated like I'm his older sister ?! To make things even more hurtful, on top of this behavior, he spends hours online chatting with Other Women !
He swears that those Other Women are just " play toys " for him, and don't mean anything to him emotionally. I would believe him a lot more if there wasn't the fact that he's left me before for someone he originally met online, and on top of that I had originally met him online. He says that he " learned his lesson " from the many failed relationships he had from those women he met online, so he's not going to do it ever again.
Can I believe that ? I wish I could. I want to.... I want to believe him, but I'm afraid to believe him just to turn around one day, and find that he's gone.
Right now though.... We're " supposed to be " boyfriend / girlfriend, but the way he acts towards me I feel more like his roommate than his girlfriend.
Will this ever change ? I hope so, but I'm not sure how... or even if it's possible with him.
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