Refocus, Refocus, Refocus.

Meditation for today: Just like in actual meditation or yoga, teachers tell you to bring your attention back to your breathe. They say to let go of thoughts, the day ahead and just focus your attention inward. Today I remember that in all my affairs I bring myself back to myself, my awareness despite what is going on around me. I refocus my attention on my feelings and not someone elses actions that have caused me to feel a certain way.

I got back on a alannon meeting today and this time it was on detachment. I really enjoyed this meeting because so many people discussed there ways to refocus themselves on god, there own feelings and having a hands off approach to anothers life. In my own relationship i struggle so much and truthfully always have on letting go. I've gotten so attached to someone else that I loose myself in them. I forget to notice my feelings. I forget to remember that I am having feelings because of my history my childhood. I am being triggered. Trying to control another persons actions to fit my will -- to make me feel better has been the tool I have used to detach from my own feelings and attach to someone else. Some what like an addiction. I learned that today I need to get reattached to my feelings, to myself and learn to detach from someone else. Some where along the line i got that confused. I guess it was my way of getting attention as a child --- with narcassitic parents talking about them, there life, how it should be different, listening to there problems, trying to helping them be better I provided support to them and there for I had there attention. The thing I missed out on what focusing on how I felt from that. How I felt taking care of my parents, the issues they dealt with and how it made me feel got swept under the rug. Im learning through meetings, journaling and therapy that I can make my feelings important not through someone else but by listening to myself and doing things that soothe myself.