Refocus

Last night I had a friend (who now has double hugs waiting) take my journal entry from back on Wednesday and just probe what was really running through my head when I went on my ID renewal journey.  Exactly what was said I'm having a little trouble recalling now because I was chatting a night after a very bad night under the covers, but suffice it to say that she found an underlying a trust problem behind a lot of it.
It's not exclusively with other people...it's also with myself.  And as I slept on it last night, it actually made some sense.  Some extra help she sent me after I went to bed last night helped make even more sense out of it.  Because apparently, not only was I afraid that I'd be working with some...undesirable, I'll call it, once I got to the RMV, I apparently didn't trust myself that I'd be able to do the trip in the first place, either.
To narrow this down to a weak spot feels a lot less big and scary than it has been, even though rebuilding trust is not going to be a simple matter.  But it's really important considering I'll need to make bigger steps sooner than I think, so she's having me start where I'm comfortable.
Where I'm comfortable isn't much, so much she had to, I'm starting with little things.
Little things, like the (almost, because I know about the Sunday and holiday thing) daily arrival of the mail.  Interestingly enough, today's included my new state ID, a full week ahead of when I was expecting it.
Little things, like the alarm on my clocks going off in the morning.  The one on my iPod Touch just needs a smidge of battery power and I keep it charged.
Okay, I realize that both of those things are stuff that's effectively near certain, but if that's where it has to start, then I guess so shall it be.  I do have a little worry that at some point I'm going to have to take a bigger step than I'm comfortable taking -- like working in lab groups -- but let's give this a few days and I'll talk more out here if I need to later.