reflection and survival
I went to my parents' house last night and I found my mood and anxiety levels were really up
and it bothered me. It's like I was presented with 'who I am' and I didn't like it. I don't know if that was the real me - but the feelings came crashing in. It bothered me because it was irrational and didn't make sense to how I saw things. I pushed forward and got through the meal and the evening and came home.
Today I woke up and I was faced with the reality of how lucky I am to have the support of my family and perhaps there will be a day when I might have to face my disability on my own. I am surviving and I am grateful for that. Grateful for the help my family gives and for the social platform that is helping me as well.
The realization is magnified because one of my housemates (who is VERY low functioning and VERY agressive) has just lost the support of his one major financial support. He is very bad at negotiating the world and now is lashing out and not able to see that he has some options but has to compromise. He is 58 but being childishly obstinate. It's sad because he really has had it VERY good but he feels entitled and not grateful. I think that is to an extent what has broken the camel's back of the support.
In any event, this has made me see the fortunate things I have in my life and though I have been grateful in the past I am kind of smashing myself to be entirely prepared for the "Reality." I almost came to think that reflection had no place but survival is the be all and end all of 'this.' I can't do it - there is a place for reflection and a place for dignity - I just have to relax a bit and then see things in a proportion.
My housemate's "ranting" this morning was really offputting and it exagerated a lot the tenseness I've been feeling. Thank God for this place here to put things....
Now, back to looking at my art book. :) Thanks for listening. Peace.
and it bothered me. It's like I was presented with 'who I am' and I didn't like it. I don't know if that was the real me - but the feelings came crashing in. It bothered me because it was irrational and didn't make sense to how I saw things. I pushed forward and got through the meal and the evening and came home.
Today I woke up and I was faced with the reality of how lucky I am to have the support of my family and perhaps there will be a day when I might have to face my disability on my own. I am surviving and I am grateful for that. Grateful for the help my family gives and for the social platform that is helping me as well.
The realization is magnified because one of my housemates (who is VERY low functioning and VERY agressive) has just lost the support of his one major financial support. He is very bad at negotiating the world and now is lashing out and not able to see that he has some options but has to compromise. He is 58 but being childishly obstinate. It's sad because he really has had it VERY good but he feels entitled and not grateful. I think that is to an extent what has broken the camel's back of the support.
In any event, this has made me see the fortunate things I have in my life and though I have been grateful in the past I am kind of smashing myself to be entirely prepared for the "Reality." I almost came to think that reflection had no place but survival is the be all and end all of 'this.' I can't do it - there is a place for reflection and a place for dignity - I just have to relax a bit and then see things in a proportion.
My housemate's "ranting" this morning was really offputting and it exagerated a lot the tenseness I've been feeling. Thank God for this place here to put things....
Now, back to looking at my art book. :) Thanks for listening. Peace.
Replies
Depends are your parents triggers to your moods?
I feel like I have come to a peace with my family. It\'s weird the things I was reacting to I had no control over. It\'s like my insecurity revved up big time. I just have to deal with myself. I really appreciate the reply Stuart. I\'m ok, It\'s been a weird couple days but I am over it now.