reexam

Well... I passed stone and time now for the PTSD shit. Kids are coming over to work on house. Every time I talk... I seem to either say something wrong and they get pissed, hurt or confused. I'm embarrised and don't want the kid's seeing me with the oxgyn on. I'm afraid it will scare the grand kids and even the adult kids. So... I need to leave. The problem is... not really anywhere to go my my driving is dangerous Could go over to the Dr's ranch and groom the horses but that seems to give me more problems breathing. Could go over Gregs house but like everyone else... he tired of my bitterness and resentment that I give off as an aoura. Guess I will stay safe and not drive. Cover oxygen maching and try to stay quiet. I clearly remember watching my mom slowly die.I don't want that for them. Don't want them to see me on the oxygen... even though they know I use it. Need to get oxygen blood level up and have been trying to do the 24/7 thing but... it's more like 21-22/7. Today will be much less. Take it off for shower and a few chores but have been fathifull to use it at p/t and exercise. Use it all night and it helps GREATLY in the morning. Coughing down by way more then 1/2 when I get up. Looking forward to see if my blood oxygen has risen at all. Had to cancle last weeks Dr's appointment cause I was too sick. Wish I could afford the 30-40 bucks for a meter. But