Redefining Happiness
I've spent so much time working on my story that I forgot to journal. So, I'm catching up today. My subject: redefining happiness.
I've had good and bad days recently. I've had days were I've been terrified of the future. So many things have changed and I feel alone most of the time. I'm still getting used to coming home to a somewhat empty house. Still getting used to having all the bills on my shoulder. Still getting used to not seeing the love of my life. So much has changed, but one thing hasn't: Happiness is still out there. I've just got to learn to redefine it.
In the past, happiness was spending time with my husband. Happiness was about planning our future. I remember going to work and being happy that I was going home to my husband at the end of the day. Sometimes he would surprise me and meet me at work, impressing all the women when he would bring flowers. Sometimes he would surprise me and take me out to dinner when I got home. Somehow he always knew how to put a smile on my face.
I remember when I was losing my sight, and wanting to get out of nursing school. I told him I just wanted to come home and look at a flower. I told him I no longer wanted to spend my days watching the sick and dying in hospitals and that it was just too much for me. He told me to do what would make me happy. So I quit. I remember coming home after I dropped out, feeling like a failure. I walked into the house, tired and dejected and found a dozen red roses just waiting for me. My husband had remembered how I told him I just wanted to look at a flower. And now he'd given me a dozen flowers.
It made me so happy and blessed to have a man like that.
But now, how do I find that sort of happiness again. It's not something you just go out and buy. You can't just find it in another man. I think the answer is in me. Happiness is a state of mind. It's there with us each day. But first we have to learn to see it. And that is my greatest problem right now. I can't see it. I'm so busy thinking about the past, and the happiness that was once mine. How can anything that happens to me equal that? Sure, I smile every now and then. And sometimes I really think I am happy. But then, I realize I'm really not. I usually realize this when I'm sitting down, finishing off a pie or a cake. Looking for happiness in food, but it's not there. Instead, I've got to learn to redefine happiness.
So that is my challenge over the next year. Redefine happiness and put it back in my life on a consistent basis. It is a mounumental task.
I've had good and bad days recently. I've had days were I've been terrified of the future. So many things have changed and I feel alone most of the time. I'm still getting used to coming home to a somewhat empty house. Still getting used to having all the bills on my shoulder. Still getting used to not seeing the love of my life. So much has changed, but one thing hasn't: Happiness is still out there. I've just got to learn to redefine it.
In the past, happiness was spending time with my husband. Happiness was about planning our future. I remember going to work and being happy that I was going home to my husband at the end of the day. Sometimes he would surprise me and meet me at work, impressing all the women when he would bring flowers. Sometimes he would surprise me and take me out to dinner when I got home. Somehow he always knew how to put a smile on my face.
I remember when I was losing my sight, and wanting to get out of nursing school. I told him I just wanted to come home and look at a flower. I told him I no longer wanted to spend my days watching the sick and dying in hospitals and that it was just too much for me. He told me to do what would make me happy. So I quit. I remember coming home after I dropped out, feeling like a failure. I walked into the house, tired and dejected and found a dozen red roses just waiting for me. My husband had remembered how I told him I just wanted to look at a flower. And now he'd given me a dozen flowers.
It made me so happy and blessed to have a man like that.
But now, how do I find that sort of happiness again. It's not something you just go out and buy. You can't just find it in another man. I think the answer is in me. Happiness is a state of mind. It's there with us each day. But first we have to learn to see it. And that is my greatest problem right now. I can't see it. I'm so busy thinking about the past, and the happiness that was once mine. How can anything that happens to me equal that? Sure, I smile every now and then. And sometimes I really think I am happy. But then, I realize I'm really not. I usually realize this when I'm sitting down, finishing off a pie or a cake. Looking for happiness in food, but it's not there. Instead, I've got to learn to redefine happiness.
So that is my challenge over the next year. Redefine happiness and put it back in my life on a consistent basis. It is a mounumental task.
Replies
It is a task but like I always say...how do you eat an elephant??? One bite at at time..Good for you girl on putting that perspective in front to reach and walk towards out of grieving..Hugs! D
The old saying goes \"You are as happy as you make up your mind to be.\" It\'s true. We dwell on our loss, which makes us unhappy. If we dwell on the positive things in our life, we look with different eyes. Happiness comes from inside yourself. No one person can make you happy but they certainly can cheer up your day. You late husband sounds like he was a wonderful man who loved you from the bottom of his heart. There are many ways why I miss Smokey. I was thinking about if I moved in with Dave and realized I love my one bedroom apartment. Before it was Smokey\'s apartment, then I moved in and it was our apartment, and Smokey died so it is now my apartment. I have made it warm and cozy. I like to come home and enjoy it. Dave\'s apartment is not as cozy as mine. If I moved in with him, there would be a lot of changes in my life. I am not ready for that yet. I like things the way there are between Dave and myself. I love my warm and cozy apartment. It\'s a reflection of the love I shared with Smokey. All the best from Diane B.
l suppose we find some glimpse of happiness in the smallest of things,like a hot day,birds singing etc,l think happiness is inside all of us,we just have to find it again,it may take along time though,so l,ll settle for a little peace and contentment for now.
Alice
Tru,
My mother had this very positive outlook about \"making yourself happy\". She was (usually) the happiest person I ever knew. She would think about what she wanted to do, and pray too, I\'m sure, and then make up her mind to be happy with her life and the decisions she made. My mother was a great role model and an inspiration. I am trying to follow her philosophy. I have never been as \'happy\' as my mother, but, have always taken life as it happens ~~ as she did, and do so with a positive attitude.
Life is what we make it, even after our tragic losses. I guess life is \"like a box of chocolates\" ~~ you never know what you are going to get. We have to learn to deal with what life throws at us, or, go insane. I choose to deal and to do it as well as I can.
That doesn\'t mean there aren\'t going to be days when I feel sad, that is also part of life. So, I completely agree with you. Bringing happiness back into our lives is something we all need to do.
Hugs, Joely