Red Flags
Day 2 of 365 - Man Break
I read some journals today about red flags that were found in people's relationships when dating a narc. It is amazing how obvious they are when you really start looking at things and how early on in the relationship they show up. The subject of trusting our intuition came up often.
Susy mentioned the book "The Gift of Fear" which talks about how we are becoming less and less tuned into our intuition and how if we paid attention to it we could prevent dangerous things from happening.
The funniest thing is I have that book on my bookshelf. I have never completely read it. Ironically it was given to me by the man I should have used my intuition to never have gone on a second date with him again. He was a cop of all things and when we first stated dating he bought me the book saying it was the most important thing a woman should have. He talked about how I wouldn't believe the dangerous situations put themselves in. I trusted him because he was a police officer and authoritarian and I was naive and gullible. Supposedly he was divorced and had two kids. On a later date I was in his car and saw a picture of FOUR kids and asked about it. He admitted that he actually had for kids and when I asked him why he lied he said he didn't think I'd date him if I knew he had so many kids. RED FLAG!
As we dated longer things just weren't adding up and also having been burnt in the past I trusted basically no one. So I knew a private detective from work and asked him if he wouldn't mind poking around a bit to see if this guy was legit. Gee if that isn't a red flag I don't know what is. I have so little trust for this guy already I'm send a PI on a mission!
Anyway I finally got the report back and in turns out: a) he was still legally married b) he was on suspension and being looked into because that said wife had accused him of RAPING her! When I confronted him he said it was all because his wife was a bitch and made false accusations....yadda yadda yadda. What makes me cringe is that HE actually broke up with ME because he said he couldn't be with someone who didn't TRUST him!
What!!!!! And this is the guy who gives me the book about how to spot danger!
I can barely relive these stories because I feel soooooo STUPID. How could I fall for all this shit and why didn't I not walkd but RUN away from these men. And it wasn't just one or two it was a long string of them. I feel humiliated and ashamed of myself for the horrible situations I put myself in. It makes the skin stand up on my arms when I think of what I may have escaped.
I used to say I just pick assholes but I know they are more than that now. They are seriously dangerous men!
I know I should be mad at the men but right now I am just mad at myself for not seeing through their deceptions and lies.
I read some journals today about red flags that were found in people's relationships when dating a narc. It is amazing how obvious they are when you really start looking at things and how early on in the relationship they show up. The subject of trusting our intuition came up often.
Susy mentioned the book "The Gift of Fear" which talks about how we are becoming less and less tuned into our intuition and how if we paid attention to it we could prevent dangerous things from happening.
The funniest thing is I have that book on my bookshelf. I have never completely read it. Ironically it was given to me by the man I should have used my intuition to never have gone on a second date with him again. He was a cop of all things and when we first stated dating he bought me the book saying it was the most important thing a woman should have. He talked about how I wouldn't believe the dangerous situations put themselves in. I trusted him because he was a police officer and authoritarian and I was naive and gullible. Supposedly he was divorced and had two kids. On a later date I was in his car and saw a picture of FOUR kids and asked about it. He admitted that he actually had for kids and when I asked him why he lied he said he didn't think I'd date him if I knew he had so many kids. RED FLAG!
As we dated longer things just weren't adding up and also having been burnt in the past I trusted basically no one. So I knew a private detective from work and asked him if he wouldn't mind poking around a bit to see if this guy was legit. Gee if that isn't a red flag I don't know what is. I have so little trust for this guy already I'm send a PI on a mission!
Anyway I finally got the report back and in turns out: a) he was still legally married b) he was on suspension and being looked into because that said wife had accused him of RAPING her! When I confronted him he said it was all because his wife was a bitch and made false accusations....yadda yadda yadda. What makes me cringe is that HE actually broke up with ME because he said he couldn't be with someone who didn't TRUST him!
What!!!!! And this is the guy who gives me the book about how to spot danger!
I can barely relive these stories because I feel soooooo STUPID. How could I fall for all this shit and why didn't I not walkd but RUN away from these men. And it wasn't just one or two it was a long string of them. I feel humiliated and ashamed of myself for the horrible situations I put myself in. It makes the skin stand up on my arms when I think of what I may have escaped.
I used to say I just pick assholes but I know they are more than that now. They are seriously dangerous men!
I know I should be mad at the men but right now I am just mad at myself for not seeing through their deceptions and lies.
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