Recovering from relapse

Well, I'd been fine for a little over two weeks (a record!) then BLAM! Sunday morning I woke up and it was all back; the stomach rolling, aching back,head, muscles, and joints, weakness and fatigue, lack of appetite, energy, and strength, and anger. I spent the day in bed working on this last thing because I know that if I can just accept this as a matter of course, if I could just NOT get on the cart to hell that starts with "Why me? Why this? Why does this happen? When will it end? etc. etc", if I could just treat it like a bad case of the flu and say, "Oh, well, I'm menopausal. Honey, you two will have to do your own dinner and the laundry and bathroom are just going to have to wait"....if I could just do that, well it won't STOP the episode, but being free of anger, guilt and despair, it would make it easier to ride out.    And it did. Even though I ended up having an epileptic seizure, the day was still easier to stand mentally and emotionally.  The NEXT day was different. I followed my usual pattern: one day of physical hell, the next day the mental and emotional sides are worn down, and highly susceptible to depression. So while I didn't feel physically quite so bad, all I could think about was the bad things in my life.No matter how hard I tried to focus on the good, I couldn't do it. The third day (yesterday), I couldn't stop crying. But I had to get out of the house, so I took off to my local franchise bakery to get a change of scene and eat something that I didn't have to cook. But I had to get up and run home because I needed to cry some more. So that's all I did that afternoon. An hour before time to pick up my daughter my husband came home on an unscheduled break, and he held me  and patted my head and gave me the comfort, love, and encouragement that I needed. We then went to a dark restaurant (my request; I looked like HELL) so he could have lunch (I wasn't hungry) and we talked. Just hearing another person's rational voice is so grounding for me when I'm going through this. Yet again I regret not having some aunt or family member who can come over and talk to me while I get my crying out (that was one of the reasons I was so depressed in the first place -the only one who is here for me is my husband).   So today I'm better. Still fatigued, still getting little waves of the rolling, bloated digestive system, but on the road to recovery.   I used to go through 2-4 days of this EVERY WEEK. And now it's been a little over 2 weeks!Ohpleaseohplease let this be the beginning of the end. I've got so many things to do before I hit 50 (which is in 2 years), and I , and my family, NEED this to END ASAP!!!   To whomever is reading this: peace to you, may your path be smooth, and don't forget to be good to yourself because you are going through a tough time and you deserve to take it easy sometime.  Gotta go make dinner. Hang in there!