Reclaiming my life
This weekend, I went rock climbing.
It's not a big deal to most people, but I am not most people. I am deathly afraid of heights; a three-step step ladder has been known to make me woozy. Saturday, though, I climbed a 30-foot rock wall. A number of times I wanted to quit and give up. The rocks were too far apart or too small. I kept looking upward and thinking, "I can't ever make it that high."
For the first time in my life, I heard a little voice inside me cheering me on. "You can do it! This is you, reclaiming your life! Fear doesn't control you! Forget stupid boys! Forget work! You can do this! You have to! Accomplish something with today! You can do this!!!"
And I did.
Sunday I went back to the church the Science Teacher and I attended together. It was mortifying. I could feel myself growing faint climbing the stairs to our classroom for Bible study. I didn't want to face him. I didn't want to deal with anything to do with him. But I made it there, I stayed for class, and I reconnected with old friends. It was good.
Many times I just give up. I refuse to return to certain areas of town or events. I stop watching TV shows I liked. Sometimes I won't wear a particular article of clothing ever again after something like a breakup happens. This time, I did just the opposite. I bought clothes in the color I swore I would never wear again. Things I said I wanted to wear for him - I wore for me. I looked beautiful.
I think I felt... Confident.
It's amazing what happens when fear no longer controls your life. Our lives are bigger than the moment fear creeps in. You are bigger than fear. Remind fear who is the boss of your life.
It's not a big deal to most people, but I am not most people. I am deathly afraid of heights; a three-step step ladder has been known to make me woozy. Saturday, though, I climbed a 30-foot rock wall. A number of times I wanted to quit and give up. The rocks were too far apart or too small. I kept looking upward and thinking, "I can't ever make it that high."
For the first time in my life, I heard a little voice inside me cheering me on. "You can do it! This is you, reclaiming your life! Fear doesn't control you! Forget stupid boys! Forget work! You can do this! You have to! Accomplish something with today! You can do this!!!"
And I did.
Sunday I went back to the church the Science Teacher and I attended together. It was mortifying. I could feel myself growing faint climbing the stairs to our classroom for Bible study. I didn't want to face him. I didn't want to deal with anything to do with him. But I made it there, I stayed for class, and I reconnected with old friends. It was good.
Many times I just give up. I refuse to return to certain areas of town or events. I stop watching TV shows I liked. Sometimes I won't wear a particular article of clothing ever again after something like a breakup happens. This time, I did just the opposite. I bought clothes in the color I swore I would never wear again. Things I said I wanted to wear for him - I wore for me. I looked beautiful.
I think I felt... Confident.
It's amazing what happens when fear no longer controls your life. Our lives are bigger than the moment fear creeps in. You are bigger than fear. Remind fear who is the boss of your life.
Replies
I for one am extreamy proud of you for taking the challenge and completing it ! Stepping out of your comfort zone will make you stronger. :) Its the little life steps that get us through tuff times and all us to grow and learn. :)
What a great accomplishment! Thank you for sharing a fabulous journal. I\'m very happy for your achievements!