Rebel

Dr. PHIL always says if you treat your spouse like a child, they will eventually do what a child does - REBEL!
And that is exactly what I am doing this week while dh is gone. I have tried numerous times to talk to him about painting a room in our basement that I want to turn into another bedroom.  He has continually told me no...that it's not on his priority list. And...if something isn't on HIS priority list, it doesn't get done. Dh is a very frugal man and has never paid to have household projects done, so it goes against his very grain to do so. I told him I'd do it without his help, but....oh no...I don't do it perfectly enough for him (we've  painted together before and always end up fighting). 
Soooo...I called a painter last week and he's coming over tomorrow to do it for me. :) I hate doing this (sneaking around), but I'm done being told no. I keep telling dh "Happy wife, happy life." but he's not "getting it". I have had to do his before...do something he's continually told me no about and just go ahead and do it. So, I know he won't be happy about this, but just like in the past, he'll get over it in time. I don't want to disrespect him, but when he does this, it just makes me feel like what's important to me doesn't matter. I'm really excited about this, yet feel anxious knowing dh will be upset with me. :(
I know part of our problem is we're alot alike and both were in charge in our "prior lives". My ex let me do whatever I saw fit when it came to home decor, vacations, etc and dh was single for 14 years when we got married, so had made all decisions by himself in his household.  Compromise is difficult for him. 
Another part of our problem is dh's insecurity about his job and our future. He was unemployed for 5 months last year and it was HARD. He now wants to save every dime and is always asking me what I've spent money on. It's really annoying. We both work full-time and are unmotivated to do home projects on the weekends, so paying someone to do things makes sense. Dh's fear of another job loss has really changed him. I understand it, but keep telling him we can't live in fear and yet, the way he is...always saying no to things that are important to ME, just causes me to rebel. I don't get men. Who gives them the right to have the final say?? My ex, when it came to big expenditures also felt he had the right to say no. What's up with that? I always tell dh I would never and HAVE never told him no when he's wanted something or wanted to do something, so don't understand why he feels he can do it to me. Ok....so he makes a lot more than I do, but it's not like I'm a spendaholic.