reassuring myself
I went to work today. Started at 330am - finished at 730am.
As I worked after a while I felt my mind sharply attacking me at certain points
(I guess when I fatigued)
and I did have to say to myself under my breath "Please stop"
"Why are you doing this Mark?"
I kept it under control - but it seemed to surface as well
when I started to see the mistakes I was making occasionally or feeling
like an awkward old guy.
Internally I told myself that I was abnormal because of it - and nobody
in the world was like that or me. I noticed this because I decided to
question and give cognition to what was happening. So I turned it around
on the issue. I questioned it!
I was able to give myself relief because I then knew - just because
I was not perfect or form perfect doesn't mean others don't question
themselves, deal with that kind of pressure like that too. It was a kind of victory for sanity
and affirmation. It brought me back down to earth to the here and now with the others
as we worked.
When I got home and when I came in, I found myself wondering what to do after lunch.
I gave the "pressure I was feeling" the same awareness that brought me back to the here
and now like it had done at work mentioned above.
It's like I wanted something momentous, ceremonial or routine, known.
When I gave myself that same 'questioning' about the uniqueness (commonality) of my day and I realized I could
just decide to be in the moment about stuff and
deciding and knowing what to do. It brought me back to the here and now
gave me the self recognition I guess I needed to get going
with different things.
Writing this message also helped. It helped me give myself
the personal recognition, and permission to do my own thing.
We're all making our lives special in some way...
I can definitely see some OCD in me.
Things are looking up for the moment.
Happy Labor Day!
Replies
I’m glad things are looking up. We all, I think, have a sort of questioning happening. It’s healthy for awareness but can get too heavy, and sounds like you maneuvered appropriately. Aging is something we all must do unless you’re Benjamin Button or Jonathan Winters on Mork & Mindy. I have decided I’m going to keep my sense of humor about it and embrace the gift of wisdom that comes along with it. xo
thanks Nikki! I really appreciate it!
Don’t forget how awesome you are :)
Big hug <3
thanks lil missy! You are awesome!!