Really struggling tonight.
So today just sucked all around. I got up ridiculously early since there was supposed to be some meeting at my office 7:30-1. I didn't *have* to get there early but I chose to in case anyone needed anything.
I dunno exactly what happened but the meeting never happened. Then I found out that this idiot woman set off the alarm at work after I left on Friday (and TOLD her I was setting it) so long story short my boss found out that I left early but instead of confronting me about it he confronted his admin who is like my ONE friend in the office and she basically got in trouble for MY actions.
Then my other boss was being a douche to me and I'm not feeling very well so all in all it's been a really shitty day.
Then I go to my parents' house and my mom is hunting for a photo to show me. She has a friend who does photography - basically babies, engagements, and weddings. So we're sitting on the couch scrolling through page after page of happy smiling couples who are all very much in love and suddenly I found myself near tears.
Then there's this song my mom loves which is a very sad song and it was playing on the website and the whole thing just made me miss Justin fiercely all at once. We had something very special and now it's just over and we don't even talk anymore and I feel like a limb has been ripped away. I miss him so much. I love him so much. Here are the lyrics to the song. You can probably see why I'm currently bawling my eyes out.
I waited until I had JUST left my parents before losing it/bursting into tears. I'm so afraid that I'll never experience a connection like we had ever again and that I will be forever yearning for what we had. My heart is absolutely breaking right now. I miss him so much. I wish I could just talk to him or even just hold him one more time.
Lyrics to "Song to the Siren" by This Mortal Coil
On the floating, shapeless oceansI did all my best to smiletil your singing eyes and fingersdrew me loving into your eyes.And you sang "Sail to me, sail to me;Let me enfold you."Here I am, here I am waiting to hold you.Did I dream you dreamed about me?Were you here when I was full sail?Now my foolish boat is leaning, broken love lost on your rocks.For you sang, "Touch me not, touch me not, come back tomorrow."Oh my heart, oh my heart shies from the sorrow.I'm as puzzled as a newborn child.I'm as riddled as the tide.Should I stand amid the breakers?Or shall I lie with death my bride?Hear me sing: "Swim to me, swim to me, let me enfold you.""Here I am. Here I am, waiting to hold you."
Justin I'm making this entry public in case you have found me here. I need to say that I love you with every cell in my body but it still wasn't good enough and that kills me. I need to tell you how much you mean to me and how terrible I feel about what happened between us. I will always love you. Always.
I dunno exactly what happened but the meeting never happened. Then I found out that this idiot woman set off the alarm at work after I left on Friday (and TOLD her I was setting it) so long story short my boss found out that I left early but instead of confronting me about it he confronted his admin who is like my ONE friend in the office and she basically got in trouble for MY actions.
Then my other boss was being a douche to me and I'm not feeling very well so all in all it's been a really shitty day.
Then I go to my parents' house and my mom is hunting for a photo to show me. She has a friend who does photography - basically babies, engagements, and weddings. So we're sitting on the couch scrolling through page after page of happy smiling couples who are all very much in love and suddenly I found myself near tears.
Then there's this song my mom loves which is a very sad song and it was playing on the website and the whole thing just made me miss Justin fiercely all at once. We had something very special and now it's just over and we don't even talk anymore and I feel like a limb has been ripped away. I miss him so much. I love him so much. Here are the lyrics to the song. You can probably see why I'm currently bawling my eyes out.
I waited until I had JUST left my parents before losing it/bursting into tears. I'm so afraid that I'll never experience a connection like we had ever again and that I will be forever yearning for what we had. My heart is absolutely breaking right now. I miss him so much. I wish I could just talk to him or even just hold him one more time.
Lyrics to "Song to the Siren" by This Mortal Coil
On the floating, shapeless oceansI did all my best to smiletil your singing eyes and fingersdrew me loving into your eyes.And you sang "Sail to me, sail to me;Let me enfold you."Here I am, here I am waiting to hold you.Did I dream you dreamed about me?Were you here when I was full sail?Now my foolish boat is leaning, broken love lost on your rocks.For you sang, "Touch me not, touch me not, come back tomorrow."Oh my heart, oh my heart shies from the sorrow.I'm as puzzled as a newborn child.I'm as riddled as the tide.Should I stand amid the breakers?Or shall I lie with death my bride?Hear me sing: "Swim to me, swim to me, let me enfold you.""Here I am. Here I am, waiting to hold you."
Justin I'm making this entry public in case you have found me here. I need to say that I love you with every cell in my body but it still wasn't good enough and that kills me. I need to tell you how much you mean to me and how terrible I feel about what happened between us. I will always love you. Always.
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